My what a day. Today I found out that pretty much any individual health insurance plan is going to deny me. Yep, the most expensive, most limited-network plan that was designed with the Obamacare policies in mind, the one that's supposed to accept people with chronic health conditions denied me today. They didn't even ask for my medical records. They just looked at the combination of words on my application and said, "Nope, you have too many health conditions for us to insure you." That's right - they don't care that I'M NOT GETTING MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR 3 OF THE 4 THINGS! Oh no, they don't care. They just care that I have those words labeling me. Just one of those things, they might consider me. But all of them together is an immediate rejection. It's essentially a tattoo on my medical chart, because they're never going to go away. Which means that I either get short term insurance (i.e. catastrophic only), pay the prohibitively high state pool insurance premium, get married (yep, the insurance guy suggested that), or find a group health plan and fast. Oh, but wait, they require a 90 day waiting period, at which point I'll be uninsured for that 90 day waiting period. So, too bad, so sad that you already are dealing with chronic health conditions. Now, you also get to deal with the fact that you have to work only in places that have group health plans that you qualify for. Forget only working part time so you can get education. Forget that your body doesn't allow you to work full time right now! you either get to be super ill and insured, or not so ill and uninsured. THIS IS A BACKWARDS SYSTEM PEOPLE!

On a happier note, my stuff is finally all in one city. And soon, it will hopefully be in one house. Where that house is, I have yet to figure out. That's on the to-do list for tomorrow.

I'm loving pistachio gelato these days. Right now, in my freezer I have 5 different kinds of ice cream. Because when it's 115 outside, you want ice cream at all times of the day. Plus, Haagen Daaz was on sale. I miss Wegman's ice cream - it was cheap but also delicious. I'm also eating lots of watermelon. I did love the SC peach season - those are some tasty fruits when they're good and ripe and fresh.

One of my friends got baby chicks in the mail the other day, and I got to meet 72 hour old chicks. They're pretty cute and fluffy when they're that little. And they don't stink yet either. The dogs of the household were a little unsure about them. Maybe they'll get used to each other.

Wonderful weekend

The weekend included...

Homework, which I really enjoyed and it helped me make sense of something that seemed totally useless before. Turns out it's not so useless.

Band Hero with friends, Rock Band with family.

Keeping an oh-so-pregnant friend company while she deals with the frustrations of being 9 months pregnant...

Homemade "Nuttie Buddie" ice cream - spanish peanuts are way better than regular

Playing with my several cats

Lots of time with friends and family

Making the ATK flourless chocolate cake with friends

Being understood and heard about sickness and grad school and thinking

Time with my soul sister, just being together, doing the trivial things of life and loving it

Finally seeing The King's Speech and thoroughly enjoying the movie and quoting the movie the rest of the weekend.

Exceptionally delicious brunch at my temporary home with fantastic people that I hadn't seen in too long. The menu included:

Fresh local peaches and blueberries with whipped cream

Omelets with fresh basil, sauteed green peppers, and cheddar or feta cheese

Local fresh bacon

Delicious coffee

Wonderful conversation

My birthday's in a week! There will be a pool party with an ice cream sundae potluck. Only gluten-free toppings allowed. Sound familiar, Ithacans? We didn't have a pool, but we did have delicious ice cream :).

Stories

I'm now in my housesitting house. It's a beautiful home. Floating in the pool in the backyard, the house really looks like it came out of a magazine. Inside it's also pretty - the kitchen is by far my favorite room, with the master bedroom suite a close second. The cats have been a bit of a pain - they terrify Ella, they only eat canned cat food (which smells really bad), and apparently they have rather sensitive stomachs and tend to throw up... their owners failed to mention that bit. Otherwise, it's nice to have my own space, it's nice to have a dishwasher, I love having the pool, and it's fun to be in a pretty house.

I have realized that one of the reasons I often didn't blog much when I was living at home was that I already had someone to tell my stories to, and so often I was too tired to tell them once and type them once. I'm going to try to get better.

Yesterday I really lived up all the perks here. I came home, got in the pool, swam some laps, tried to do my own water aerobics (I look ridiculous but no one can see me!), and then just floated. Afterward, I went to the veggie garden and picked a tomato and some basil. Then, for dinner, I had sauteed summer squash (from their fridge) with a tomato, basil, and cheddar omelet. The only thing I actually purchased for dinner was the juice I drank (raspberry pomegranate goji, yum). Everything else came as a part of the house. Then, I loaded the dishwasher and headed off to LSA.

I had a dream with Abdu'l-Baha in it the other night. That was interesting. I'd never actually dreamed about Abdu'l-Baha before. Overall, it was a cool dream. Reassuring, although the end was annoying. In the dream, I was completely exhausted and finally going to bed at 3 am, and then my (real) alarm went off and it was time to get ready for work. I still felt exhausted.

Last night I dreamt that someone kidnapped me repeatedly and forced me to use some special powers for evil, and I and the other kidnapees were trying to thwart them...

I think my new medication is giving me strange dreams in general, making me subconsciously not want to go to bed. I keep getting to bed far too late.

Today, my fellow new co-worker and I got a new "toy" - a new software program to do the things I've been wanting to do but not had the tools to do at work. I'm excited to go back on Monday and continue playing with it and getting it set up to do amazing things for us. :)

Now, off to Thursday Night Dinner with my family! Afterwards, I'll be showing friends how to make the flourless chocolate cake from America's Test Kitchen, which we'll take to Feast tomorrow night. Yum!

Back in Carolina, on the beach!

Day before yesterday I came down to join my family at one of the beaches outside of Charleston. We have a little house right on the beach - nothing fancy, but it's air conditioning, a porch, and guaranteed parking! Yesterday, we saw quite the wildlife - there are more rocks here on this beach than the one we usually go to, so at low tide, there are lots of crabs! It's so much fun to find them in and among the rocks. Yesterday we probably saw a dozen, the largest one about the size of two fists together. Being people, we poked at it with a huge clam shell that we found. The crab, of course, needed to defend itself and pinched at the shell with its claw. Even though I was expecting it, it delighted me and scared me, the feeling and sound of claw on shell :). I keep poking at it and giggling and shrieking when it clawed the shell. We also saw a bunch of sea urchins, and some tubular creatures attached to a rock. I think they're related to polyps and sea anemones, but they're not quite those. They're soft and shrink back when you poke them ;). The other creatures we saw were: a gecko, a bunch of pelicans, a tiny tiny hermit crab, another very small white "ghost" crab (my description) that buried in the sand. When you nudge the sand near it, it scrambles underneath the sand to another spot! We also saw a dead jellyfish that looked a lot like the ghosts from Super Mario World.

Today we went farther down on the island, where the houses end, and looked for dolphins and crabs, and saw both! Even J, with her broken foot, got to see a bunch of crabs, and I still delighted in poking at them with a shell :). Some scurried away, some pinched at me. Dad and I went a little farther and found some tidal pools among the rocks, and we saw crabs, larger minnows and two live starfish, as well as sea urchins. I felt like a 5 year old, perched on a rock in the middle of the tidal pool, poking and shrieking and giggling at the crabs. Dad very sweetly said that he hoped I always had that 5 year old inside me.

While we were walking back, I saw a dolphin way out, tried to use cloud shapes to describe where they were, but it didn't work. When we were closer to the beach access, we saw at least 2 if not 3 or more dolphins much closer in, and everyone got to see them!

I've been re-reading a fun book that J brought, and I thoroughly enjoyed these two quotes.

"How many times have you told me that everybody gets lucky breaks in business but not everybody is ready for them? Well, it's true about love, too. I've been planning my marriage my whole life beach I'm smart enough to know that's the most important decision I'll ever make, and now Roger's here, and I'm ready to go. And you two are going to miss it when it comes for you because you don't want to believe because if it isn't true, you'll be disappointed."

(talking about love and relationships again)

"You have to be sensible. It's not silly love songs and sloppy kisses, it's dangerous. People die for it. People die from it. Wars are fought. Empires fall. It can ruin your life." (the italics were in the book)

The first one I thought was interesting, the second I found very funny.

Pilgrimage was amazing and difficult and wonderful and indescribable. I did find some phrases in one of my favorite Baha'i books that I felt described the experience well. Those will come when I get home. Now time for more beach!

Life has been rather crazy over the past few weeks. After I went to Ithaca, I got a horrible stomach flu the next weekend. Then went to Atlanta for J's graduation, and then last weekend spent crazily preparing for my trip to Haifa! I'm going on pilgrimage in 4 days!

I'm a little worried about how my body's going to handle it, and how I'll feed myself without getting entirely tired of crackers and nuts. It'll work though. I'm a big girl, I've lived there before, and I've been to almost all of the Holy Places, so if I need to take a day off and just hang out in the Shrines, I can do that. The weather's supposed to be awesomely pretty.

Other news, I've been trying out a new gym. I went to pilates - it killed me ever so slowly (I was sore for 4 days afterward...). The next day I tried Aquafit - I LOVED it. It was like doing jazzercise and ballet in the water, which my bones and joints appreciated. On Sunday, I tried "BodyFlow", which is a combo of yoga, tai chi, and pilates, which my body definitely preferred to straight pilates. Yesterday, I just did a normal workout, as none of the classes fit my schedule.

This weekend was supposed to be different...

This weekend, I was going to get caught up on things after having a weekend away and before another weekend away. I had a plan! And then, Saturday morning, apparently it was time for me to have the stomach flu. The 24 hour bug that's taking me 4 days to get over. Grr... And I get way too emotionally involved in TV/movies/books when I'm sick. I'm in tears over a (well several) stupid story line(s). I feel betrayed when the characters in a TV show don't tell their friend she's making a decision based on stupid delusions.

I did leave the house for the first time last night for a little while to tutor a kid before the AP exam tomorrow. I hope that I helped him realize he can do it, it's not as big or scary as he thinks it is, and I really hope he passes. Plus, when you get to do a problem about a squirrel running away from a building, life is just a little better. Way to go AP board. Whoever wrote that problem, kudos to you. I tried to remember that terror that you can face when you get a math problem that you know you should be able to do but you panic every time you see it, and though the explanation seems entirely clear when the teacher does it, it makes very little sense to you and you just start randomly doing things that you think look sort of like what your teacher maybe did in a problem that might have had one of the same words. I get it. But the only thing I know to do is explain it in a different way and have them do a bunch of problems until they figure out their own way of explaining it.

Hopefully, starting tomorrow evening, I will be able to get to the notes to be written, the closet to clean out, the packing to begin, the planning for pilgrimage, the financial stuff to deal with, etc. All the things I was going to do this weekend that I instead spent feeling pretty miserable and crying at stupid tv shows.

At least I got to have fun dancing on Friday night! Yay for ballroom showcases with good teachers and people willing to be patient with me and teach me things in a non-condescending manner! I love swirling around the floor, even more when I'm not feeling like a complete idiot!

Home

While I enjoy traveling, I hate the logistical interruptions. 12 1/2 hours after preparing to leave, I finally got home, visiting 4 airports, changing ticketing, going through security twice, getting a complete investigation of all my belongings once, 1 flight cancelled, 3 delayed, etc.

The weekend was a good one. I got to have good conversations with most of my math girls, got to eat yummy Thai food, saw a waterfall, took a walk, relaxed on couches, played with a puppy, ate a delicious (and unexpected) Sunday dinner with K, talked to the advisor, and started to say goodbye to the me that was a grad student. It was hard to let go, but at the same time I know I don't belong there any more, nor do I want to be there. I was anxious during much of the day that I was at the math building, having to calm myself down several times because my throat was swelling due to anxiety. Probably not a good thing to happen in your workplace.

Tonight, arriving home, I experienced a slightly out of place alone-ness. I had delved completely into my novel on the plane, so when I was walking to my car at night I missed my book characters. At the same time, I walked to my car knowing that no one was waiting up to hear that I made it into my house safe (I did), walking places I'd walked before WITH people or TOWARDS people and having those memories rush around me unasked, having left behind a place I once called home, going to a place that at one point was a place I fled to in order to recover... I was struck by that feeling. But this weekend I was seen, I was heard, I was appreciated, and I got to hear and see and appreciate right back. And I feel good. And though there are things I'd like to be different and while I still have struggles ahead of me, I feel like I'm walking in the right direction.

Committed, Part 4

Last couple thoughts about reading Committed...

- She talks about the role of childless women in the raising of children and families, calling them the "Auntie Brigade." I love this title! I had my own Aunties in my life, and I'm super grateful for them. Among other anecdotes, she shared:

"And have you ever wondered what Peter Pan really looked like? His creator, J.M. Barrie, answered that question for us back in 1911. For Barrie, Peter Pan's image and his essence and his marvelous spirit of felicity can be found all over the world, hazily reflected 'in the faces of many women who have no children.' That is the Auntie Brigade."

I must say I like being a part of the Auntie Brigade, at least for now.

Gilbert also talks about trading stories with her fiance. She talks about it coming from Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities, where the author talks about merchants gathering at every solstice and equinox to exchange goods, including stories. She says:

"This is what intimacy does to us over time. That's what marriage can do: It causes us to inherit and trade each other's stories. This, in part, is how we become annexes of each other, trellises on which each other's biography can grow."

Later, she talks about one night when both she and Felipe were awake and she "once more" selected a word at random and requested, "Please tell me a story about fish." I thought this was an interesting way to go about learning someone's stories. Choosing a word and having the other person tell a story about that word.

The last thing that particularly struck me (at least that I need the book to remember). The following few sentences:

"'MARRIAGE IS NOT PRAYER!' he [Gilbert's friend] insisted (italics and capitals his). 'That's why you have to do it in front of others, even in front of your aunt who smells like cat litter. It's a paradox, but marriage actually reconciles a lot of paradoxes: freedom with commitment, strength with subordination, wisdom with utter nincompoopery, etc. And you're missing the main point - it's not just to "satisfy" other people. Rather, you have to hold your wedding guests to their end of the deal. They have to help you with your marriage; they have to support you or Felipe, if one of you falters.'"

Obviously, she was talking about her not wanting or understanding the need for a public wedding ceremony. She and Felipe had a private ceremony just the two of them, and didn't want a public wedding. I liked the way her friend talked about marriage reconciling paradoxes, and not being a prayer but a public thing. In fact, I would argue that marriage is both a public and a private thing. We interact with the world as a married couple, but at the same time our marriage is one of the most private things in our lives. I also liked the idea of the wedding guests not only witnessing a marriage beginning but also helping in the process later on, and that being a reason to invite people to your wedding. Choosing the people you want to support you in your marriage, including your biological family as you are combining two families, not just uniting two people.

That's all the thoughts that I'll share with you for now folks. Of course, for those of you who know me will realize, there were many, many other memories and thoughts that came to mind. But I want the chance for other people, and probably my future self, to have new reactions and to keep some thoughts close to only my heart.