Amazing weekend

This past weekend I went to beautiful Pensacola Beach, Florida, for a fabulous Baha'i Winter School on the theme of "Forces of Our Time". The main speaker was Mr. Dunbar, who led a weekly class for the youth (youth = age 18 - 30 there) at the Baha'i World Center for over 30 years. Mr. Dunbar and that class were a major part of why my year of service was so meaningful and transformative, and it was wonderful to hear him speak again. He is an incredible Baha'i scholar, a world-traveller, and an amazing story teller about his experiences with some of the phenomenal early Baha'is. Beyond that, when he speaks, he just pours love and meaning into the words. When he makes eye contact with you, it feels like he truly sees you, loves you, and wants the best for you. I loved every minute of it. I'm running out of adjectives, the weekend was that great :).

Beyond that, the book Forces of Our Time that he wrote and compiled is so timely. It is based on the Baha'i Writings about the forces that are put into this world with the coming of each Messenger from God. The first part has his thoughts and explanations of the images and connections of the Writings. The second part includes the quotations that the first part was based on. Baha'is believe that Baha'u'llah is that most recent Manifestation of God, who has come with the teachings and guidance from God that we need to move forward as a world civilization. The forces that accompanied Baha'u'llah's coming to the world and His Revelation are incredible. We studied a collection of writings about the source of these forces (both now and with past Manifestations like Christ), how they come into the world, and the effect they have on us. Right now we can see two things happening in the world - the forces of darkness facilitating the breakdown of many of the standing institutions, economies, and infrastructures, as well as the forces of light inspiring new concern for our fellow human being, human rights, education, aid efforts, environmental stewardship, and the building up of new frameworks that appreciate the nobility and equality of mankind. We, as Baha'is, have Baha'u'llah's message as to the reason for all of the suffering and challenges the world is facing, as well as what we can do to move forward as a civilization. In fact, in one of the quotations it says that we as Baha'is are "custodians" of the forces of light, "of love, of unity, and of peace and integration," and we have a tremendous responsibility. Who wouldn't want to be a custodian of the forces of light? So awesome! And that's what we talked about this weekend.

I met very interesting people, mostly from Louisiana, Alabama, and Georgia, of all ages and backgrounds. I am now eager to visit New Orleans, Huntsville, and Atlanta to see my new friends again. There's such a feeling of love, appreciation, and encouragement when I'm with other Baha'is, even if I've never met them before, that is so renewing. I also got to reminisce about favorite memories in Haifa with the various former BWC staff that were there. Plus my hotel room overlooked the Gulf, and I had pretty neat views. One was of the beginnings of sunrise, while the crescent moon still shone on the water with stars all around it (I had a hard time sleeping and adjusting to Central Time).

Ladies' Tea

This afternoon we had the second Ladies' Tea - a time when seven women gather for good food, company, conversation, and a little something special. Mom and I hosted the first one in November on my great grandmother's china set. Today was at B and her "fairy godmother"'s house, and we had...
chicken salad in cantaloupe
strawberries
grapes
gluten-free crackers with havarti and dill, cheddar, goat cheese in pesto (amazing), and brie
assorted almonds (roasted, hickory roasted, and sugared)
pine nut and pecan tart with fresh whipped cream
freshly brewed (from loose tea) earl grey or chai teas

plus many good stories and thoughts from women of all ages.

this past week, I finished the transcription, went on a job shadow, started contacting references for applying for internships/part time jobs, and started playing DDR again. It's something to make exercising a little less odious.
last night, we made a fire in the fireplace and just relaxed. I read my book (getting ready for next weekend's awesomeness), did a sudoku, toasted marshmallows, and enjoyed the warmth of the fire.

yesterday and tonight I hurt... a lot. yesterday, probably because i did too much wed - fri. today, i guess because i did too much while wearing pretty but uncushioned shoes and sitting in a pretty yet uncushioned chair. why can't all things be like my fabulous new red crocs - pretty, fun, and cushioned? The world seems hard to handle tonight... I guess it would when you feel like you're getting stabbed in the back, punched in the ribs, and needle pricks shooting down your legs. I really hope the pain will stay away tomorrow, since I really want to go to ballet and feel graceful and strong.

Nobility

"Anybody can be happy in the state of comfort, ease, health, success, pleasure and joy; but if one will be happy and contented in the time of trouble, hardship and prevailing disease, it is the proof of nobility." - 'Abdu'l-Baha

I had an interesting experience yesterday, and when I read this quote this morning, I thought, "That's exactly it! It's not backwards at all to feel happy despite the troubles I'm dealing with." I went to consult with a friend yesterday about two particular things that have been challenging me over the past couple of weeks, to get some ideas of how to move through them and beyond them, to release the frustration and move forward. The first thing that person said to me though was, "You're looking happy and well today." And I thought, "Huh, that's funny. I guess I am." It's true - the overall mood of my days is contentment and happiness. There's still the thoughts of, "Well, if I can just get through ______, then life will be better." Right now, that blank is the transcription work and finishing my resume.

I have the following quote up in both my office and my bedroom because I need reminding of it. And I think I'll add the quote up above too, to remind me that it's good to aim to be happy with life despite the frustrations. In fact, that's what life is about - finding happiness even amid the ups and downs of this world.

"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. happiness is a journey, not a destination..." - souza

Further reflections

As I was thinking about my previous post, I realized that it was rather focused on acquiring material things. In fact, that wasn't really my main purpose at all (in the post or the weekend). The past few weeks/months have been preparing myself for the next phase of my life - a phase hopefully involving health, loved ones, good friends, and activities and a career I can enjoy. I'd done pretty well with the emotional, educational, and health-related preparations, and this weekend I needed to finish preparing my space and my wardrobe so I could feel confident moving forward.

One thing that was new this weekend was I actually enjoyed myself shopping. I gave myself a budget to work within (which I stuck to), and then I was able to admire the beauty of the creations of others. In fact, things I didn't like initially, I realized the beauty in them later. For example, this top looked bizarre on a hanger. It really looked like a blind person sat at the sewing machine. I volunteered to try it on, as the three of us really wanted to see what this odd piece of fabric looked like on a person (it was unclear where your arms went). And in fact, it was a rather cool shirt, and I saw the reason behind the shapes.

While I do consider people as spiritual beings in a material world, we do live in the material world and that affects us. It was helpful for me to be able to gather a collection of items that will give me the confidence and eagerness to face a new, challenging direction in life. It's not without its pains and trials, but I'm one step closer to success I think.

I'm also realizing how much I'm leaving Columbia, mostly on day trips. I guess I got the "road trip" fever while living in Ithaca, but I'm delighting in how close different places are to Columbia. Columbia's main advantage is the central location... there's not a lot here, but it's not that far from anything. Plus, a lot of good times can be had in the car and on a road trip, and you appreciate whatever you're doing more because there was more effort put into doing it.

New Things!

This weekend, I shopped a lot. Friday, I bought business-y clothes for my job shadow this week, and hopefully an internship/job in the future. Clothes I look great in, that look professional, but also are comfortable.

Yesterday, I got rugs for my office.

Today, after coffee with A and cameos of two of my favorite baristas, I headed to Charlotte with Bya and grad school friend Sara. First, we started out at Fuel Pizza for some fabulous gluten-free pizza. I got a pizza with spinach, ricotta cheese, sausage, and fresh basil along with the traditional mozzarella and tomato sauce. It was AMAZING! I ate the whole pizza by myself. I needed the energy for our major shop-a-thon afterward. I got a new sweater blazer, along with a mousepad journal (a mousepad that is 50 sheets of pretty paper with lines and a calendar at the top), and a pretty mug for my mom. Then, I got Crocs that are black flats to wear on dressy occasions, followed by our trip to Sephora. I found several new favorite perfumes/body scents, as well as a lipstick that is "the color of my lips only accentuated", as I've decided to call it, and some bronzer to help balance out the alternating bright red and ashy pale that come on due to the fibro. Unfortunately, I discovered a scent that I wished I had bought today at Sephora, but oh well. I was a little overwhelmed by the whole experience. Next time I go, I'll know a little better what to do :).

Easley

Today included yet another trip to Easley to see my favorite chiropractor. And today, my neck felt better than it has in a while. Like my head was just sort of floating on top of my neck, rather than strapped down with extremely tense muscles. That's why it's worth the drive.

Plus, I got to go to Trader Joe's and stock up on the best string cheese ever. And bought little baby brie cheeses :). Following that, I hit up happy hour at PF Changs, getting some $5 lettuce wraps. Mmmm, gluten-free chinese food. Then, I joined a mess of other people back on the highway back to Columbia.

Thankfully, the roads aren't icy, at least on the major highways. Kids in the upstate had absolutely no school this entire week. They'd been back from a 2 week break for one week, then got another 10 days off of school. Too bad it wasn't planned, so not much fun could happen.

This weekend will include: transcription, homework reading, shopping for business-y clothes preparing for my job shadow experience on January 20, and hopefully a games night. I want to play some games, but don't really have a place to host it.

Thoughts at the gym

Today, I finally got to go back to the gym. I'm hoping my cough and cold are gone for good now. It felt nice to move again, beyond a walk around the neighborhood or PT exercises at home. I had a few thoughts about living with fibro today, that I thought I'd write down...

- I will almost never have a pain-free day. I CAN learn to manage and limit the pain. My success will be measured at how little the pain interferes with what I want to do, rather than its existence.

- Many people will have suggestions or questions for me always. Whether they have expertise or not, I will always be getting advice. Some may help, some I'll just let pass me by.

- I will always be able to dance and do the things I want to. Maybe not when I want or for as long as I want, but I will be able to do it.

- I will have plenty of time for reflection, during the necessary quiet resting times. I won't be leading an unexamined life.

- My determination will be tested on those days where all I want to do is lay around and read a book, do a puzzle, watch a movie. I know that's only good for me in moderation, and certainly not as often as my body wants it.

- Exercise will make me feel better in the end, even if before and during it, all I want to do is quit.

- As alarming as it might be to have shooting pains, a tingling sensation, or a stabbing feeling, my body is ok. In fact, I will try to be in better shape than the average person, as a way to manage my pain.

- There will be people who have no idea the pain and struggles I deal with, since on the outside I look healthy and might be wearing a smile, even though I'm hurting.

I know God wouldn't give me something I can't handle, so I know I can handle this. I will try and make it a tool for becoming a better person, friend, and servant of humanity.

Something that came to mind tonight as I was reading a very awesome book called Forces of Our Time. An oldie but goodie, when it comes to quotes...

"Joy gives us wings! In times of joy our strength is more vital, our intellect keener, and our understanding less clouded. We seem better able to cope with the world and to find our sphere of usefulness. But when sadness visits us we become weak, our strength leaves us, our comprehension is dim and our intelligence veiled. The actualities of life seem to elude our grasp, the eyes of our spirits fail to discover the sacred mysteries, and we become even as dead beings.

There is no human being untouched by these two influences; but all the sorrow and the grief that exist come from the world of matter -- the spiritual world bestows only the joy!" - 'Abdu'l-Baha

Snow Day!

Well, today the city and county are shut down for a whole 2-3 inches of snow. Yep, inches ;). Welcome to South Carolina, unprepared for any amount of snow. In a couple hours, it's supposed to turn to freezing rain where we'll get a nice 1/2 inch of ice on top of this pretty snow.

This morning will include a walk (in which my mom wanted my snow boots, but those are in storage in Ithaca), some reading for class tomorrow (though it might not happen), and some reading for fun.

I do love snow, and it's nice to have a bit. However, the threat of losing power is less fun... the buried power lines in Ithaca were very smart.

I've been composing several blog posts in my head recently, but none of them made it to the computer. Here's what I've been thinking about:

-Trying to come up with a bit of a story about what it feels like for me to have fibro - what I experience on the bad days, the good days, and in between. (I plan on more to come on this one.)

- I went to my first class last night, on Investment Planning, and it was exciting and interesting! I've bought textbooks, and need to start playing catch-up as I didn't take one of the pre-reqs, but I think with a little extra time I'll be able to keep up.

-Working on my resume, job shadowing, and more informational interviews.

-Figuring out what role math is going to take in my daily work

-Going to hear Mr. Dunbar talk about his new book, Forces of Our Time, in Pensacola, FL on January 28-30. (Mr. Dunbar led a class for the youth, ages 18-30, serving at the Baha'i World Centre on Thursday nights. It was a significant part of my year of service, and his new book is a collection of some of the topics he often covered in his youth classes, over the 29 years that he gave them.)

-Starting to read Forces of Our Time - awesome

- Spending time with the family while they're off of school and work

- Recovering from this awful cold that I've had for a month, or perhaps since before Thanksgiving (I had about 4 days where I wasn't sick.)