"I don't quite know how to say what I feel"

"These words are from my heart, I love you I love you I love you I love you."

Hearing him talking about all the exciting things he's doing and him asking me to come and watch him make me want to get on a plane tomorrow and forget everything else. I really hate teaching him at such a young age that sometimes we can't be with the people we love. I remember when I was older than him, in elementary school, I had people leave my immediate life for the first time, and it was so hard, and I had a concept of time. He still doesn't quite understand that when I come back to visit it will be too cold for me to watch him swim. He said, "But it's not cold in our pool. It's still warm." I almost cried.

"I can only give you what I've got."

This week, I've been reminded of the power of prayer. I met with one of the Baha'i students for prayers on Monday afternoon, and I loved the rest of the day. Since I've gotten here, I've been so tired in the morning and evening, I haven't wanted to pray, or wanted it enough, so it was getting monotonous and not effective. Tonight, I picked up the prayer book, not knowing what to look for, and just picked one. And it was the perfect prayer for tonight. I will do whatever I can with what I have and I pray for God to send me what I need and what is best for me, and to help me along the way and forgive my mistakes. That's what I love about my prayer book. There are so many prayers, there usually is one for every occasion, it might not be where you think it will be, but the prayers guide you. You might start out thinking, "Oh God, please give me _________," but you end up thinking, "Oh wow, that's what I should be thinking about." Or something to that effect. Anyway, this isn't making much sense, I am tired. Every day takes everything out of me, I'm doing so much and trying so hard. It's a good feeling knowing that I've accomplished a lot at the end of the day, but sometimes it doesn't seem enough.

"Forget what we're told."

I'm being reminded that every decision is not perfect, and just because something is right for someone else, it's not necessarily right for me. It's been hard deciding which classes to take (and in which grading form), partly because Cornell gives you so long to decide, and I have so many more options now. I made a decision, and I felt good about it, until I talked to lots of different people. But I should just worry about what's right for me, and that's it.

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you that I almost believe that they're real."

I'm debating my choice of pictures for my office desk #9. I have my girls, including Moe's and birthday night, and I have the boys' smiling faces. I love having them there, it makes everyone feel close to me, but it's also making me sad/homesick right now, that I can't just make a phone call or drive in my car for 10 minutes and be there. If it didn't feel so right to be here doing this, I'd be so tempted to pack up and go home, but for some reason I feel I should be here. I'm still wondering why, but I hope that it means something that I'm doing it, and each day maybe a little more light will be shed on my path.

And the firsts continue

Today began with my first rainy class day and office hours, which went well and I actually had 2 students attend. Afterwards, I tried to work on recitation 2 for Thursday, since I had 4 hours until class... I might start coming home, except it's nice being around anyone and hanging out. My desk cube seems to be the favorite place to congregate if any of the 4 of us are there, and sometimes even when we're not :). I kind of enjoy it. And if I need to do work, I just turn around, put the iPod in the ears, and they scatter. Nice system. Topology finally happened, was rather boring and mostly review, then Olivetti Club talk (math grad student association, math grad students volunteer to give talks on whatever they want), in which I had a crisis of decision. I thought to myself, "What in the world was I thinking when I decided to come to grad school? I don't want to do this? We're making up things to study and then study them to make up more things???? But I rather enjoy it most of the time, I'm just tired of it... I need to do something other than math and be with math people. I could be with math people all the time at home, because we didn't talk about math all the time." And on it went. About 2/3 of the way through, the guy next to me finished his Sudoku puzzle and handed the one on the back to me, which was a lovely save. I could still learn about torsors and affine spaces, while having something to get the desperation out of it.
The answer to non-math activities came a couple hours later when I went to my first swing dance lesson at the Big Red Barn. It was a good lesson, and amazingly enough there were more guys than girls! Only by a few, so by the end of the lesson we had an even number. I don't think that's ever happened. We rotated different partners, and I must say that guys here are not afraid to lead like they are at home, and it makes my part so much easier. I enjoyed the lesson, and then the free dancing began and I danced almost every song! It was so much fun! Like dancing is supposed to be. I got to twirl around the floor and actually know a little of what I was doing. I only got stepped on a few times, because my lead wasn't paying attention to the people behind me, and got pushed into a wall once :-p. But other than that, it was great fun, and I learned a lot :). Then I got to go to the grocery store and get yummy food to make yummy food for the rest of the week. But sadness, I have found something that the super store Wegmans doesn't have..... midnight Milky Ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have the regular ones, but not the gluten free midnight ones!!! Even with their candy wonderland. I'm so sad. So, Luzianne Tea and Midnight Milky Ways, the two things I miss of the South. Next time I'm home, I will stock up.
I'm missing Moe's and my math girls (plus the token non-math girl ;)) so much. I tried to shop for stuff to make my own Moe's, I'm even going to try to make my own tortilla chips with my new deep fryer. But I think I've found a Moe's only 20 minutes from IKEA, so this weekend I shall have both. I miss hugs and feeling completely comfortable with people. It's always the challenge of moving to a new place where you don't know anyone. There are good days and bad days, and today was harder. It probably didn't help that it was a gray rainy day. But, the creeks are flowing so fast now, the waterfalls are impressive.
Funny enough, when I Google image searched for "rainy fall waterfall" one of the first pictures that came up was the waterfall right by campus, one I pass every day on the bus on the way to school :). It's so pretty to watch the water flow, and hear the water rushing as you walk over the bridge.
Oh, I saw my first real live skunk tonight too! It ran across the road in front of me (I did not hit it), so I was delighted. Haven't seen any deer, I haven't been up early enough on the edges of the town.
I should go to sleep now, since Analysis comes early at 8:30 am.

Things are resolved

So today, my class schedule was resolved. I sat in on a challenging class, an un-intelligible class, and an easy class, the first and last of which I'm taking. I personalized my desk space, I got to pray with one of the other lovely Baha'i students (never thought a library trip could be so refreshing), got a frozen lemonade at the Gimme trailer, later got ice cream at Purity, and got to decorate my apartment. All in all a good day. Should be an exciting week, with my first office hours tomorrow, first Olivetti club seminar, first swing dance lessons, first math reception, first trip to IKEA and much much more I'm sure :). Good night!

My apartment

So, I finally got around to decorating in the living room, and gave up waiting to take pictures of the rest of the place until they're decorated. So here's my apartment:
Living room... take the left picture and place it perpendicularly adjoining the right one :).
The dark green couch is being replaced with a new beige loveseat, and my blue chair will be replaced with a beige arm chair matching the new couch, in the next couple of days.

My kitchen (which is connected to the living room, behind the blue chair):















As you can see, it's not large :) but it's functional and convenient. Next, behind that pantry, is my study room (taken from standing in my front doorway):




Finally, the bedroom, notice the 3 windows and lots of closet space... the dark dresser is going away with the couch since I don't need it.















So, standing in my study room, looking right at the bedroom and left at the living area:




























And that's all folks!

thoughts of love

"She learned to love him before he thought it was even possible, so he didn't have a chance to hide & mess it up & while it was a little scary at times, mainly he could not even imagine the world without her there." Brian Andreas, storypeople.com


Today has been lovely. I got to do anything I wanted to and nothing that I didn't. I got to read a couple different Baha'i books, ponder a few things I've been wanting to ponder.
I looked at pictures of a friend of friends wedding. It's really beautiful to see people you love so happy as on their wedding day. It's such an amazing day. As a child, you know that weddings are happy, but you don't really understand. It's only once you start seeing people you know (and around your age) making that promise to another person and to God that it truly starts to sink in. I like the Story Person quote above, it's sweet. The romantic in me says "Awww". The sentimental in me thinks "Aw, that reminds me of ________" (a few different people come to mind, though some of the situations make the quote backwards).
I was discussing love the other night with someone, and I truly enjoyed our conversation. Today I was thinking about God's love for us in creating us. I was reading Some Answered Questions about creation and the soul and such things, about the relationship between the creator and creation...
"Know that an educator without pupils cannot be imagined; a monarch without subjects could not exist; a master without scholars cannot be appointed; a creator without a creature is impossible; a provider without those provided for cannot be conceived..." (Abdu'l-Baha, Some Answered Questions, p. 180)
The last one especially struck me, because provider/providing is something on my mind a good bit. My dad is a provider, and a very good one at that. My mom loves providing for us. I love providing for my friends, and the Vafai boys. It made me think of the love that I have for those boys, even though I'm not technically related to them, I feel like I am. I have given them so much of myself, and they have given me sooooo much, that I can get a glimpse of what it means to love your child, your creation. God has given this gift of being able to have children, to see that little window into the love that He has for us and therefore created us, when we can feel the love for our children whenever we have them. It's been a gift to watch one of the Baha'is here and her daughter, their relationship.
These two Hidden Words came to mind:

O SON OF MAN!
Veiled in My immemorial being and in the ancient eternity of My essence, I knew My love for thee; therefore I created thee, have engraved on thee Mine image and revealed to thee My beauty. (Baha'u'llah, The Arabic Hidden Words #3)

O SON OF MAN!
I loved thy creation, hence I created thee. Wherefore, do thou love Me, that I may name thy name and fill thy soul with the spirit of life. (Baha'u'llah, The Arabic Hidden Words #4)

God loved us and therefore created us in His image. He has given us divine qualities that we can develop, or not. And if we love Him, He will name our name. Isn't that an awesome thought? If I just love God, He will name my name. I'm not sure what that means, but it's got to be good. Fill my soul with the spirit of life, that would be amazing. Filled with life.

The greatest gift of man is universal love - that magnet which renders existence eternal. It attracts realities and diffuses life with infinite joy. If this love penetrate the heart of man, all the forces of the universe will be realized in him, for it is a divine power which transports him to a divine station and he will make no progress until he is illumined thereby. Strive to increase the love-power of reality, to make your hearts greater centers of attraction and to create new ideals and relationships.
First of all, be ready to sacrifice your lives for one another, to prefer the general well-being to your personal well-being. Create relationships that nothing can shake; form an assembly that nothing can break up; have a mind that never ceases acquiring riches that nothing can destroy. If love did not exist, what of reality would remain? (Abdu'l-Baha, Divine Philosophy, p. 111)

Create relationships that nothing can shake. I have some of those, and I'm constantly grateful that God has blessed me with them. Have a mind that never ceases acquiring riches that nothing can destroy. That's a constant goal of mine.
Maybe this should be my new morning quote. Something to remind myself of. Hmm...
Ok, I guess that's about it for the moment. Next on the to do list, figure out how to post pictures on here.

Sleep is finally coming

It's Saturday morning, a Saturday morning that I very much looked forward to. After a lovely night last night, I got sleep. My bed is stable, I'm used to my room and the noises, and I was tired enough that I slept. This is a big step towards this place feeling like home, and I'm so glad. Reflecting on the "homesickness" idea that I mentioned last night, I realize I'm not really homesick, because I already feel like my home is here. I miss lots of people, but that's a typical thing in Corinne's life. It'll be exciting to see different people as I have the chances to over the next semester. I'm highly looking forward to my first trip to Green Acre for 2 reasons :), to USC's fall break since my favorite pair of roommates will be visiting however briefly, plus who knows what else will develop before December, my first time to go home.
I had an interesting dream last night, that I'm still pondering what it means, so I will ponder through my fingers.... it's no longer out loud ;). In my dream, I was getting ready to leave to go on pilgrimage or a 3 day visit, I didn't know which, all I knew was that I was stopping in Europe for a few days before going to Haifa. I was swimming in a pool with my mother and a few Baha'i children (don't understand that one), and I was trying to decide if I was going to go or not, since I had just been to Haifa in May and it didn't seem fair to the rest of the Baha'is of the world, for me to take another spot in the cherished time in Haifa. I almost didn't want to go, which I was surprised at because it would always be wonderful to go to the Holy Land, but it had not been long enough. There wasn't the burning desire/need to be at the Shrines, so I didn't feel that I should take that spot. But somehow, I went anyway. I remember arriving at the airport to leave, still having second guesses, but leaving anyway. So, I arrived in Germany and found two friends, one former BWC youth (whose dad does actually live in Germany) and one a biophysics grad student currently living there ;). So, I talk to these two guys, who know each other and I'm surprised by that, and we end up at a Baha'i School somewhere in Germany and there's a conference going on there involving many of the South Carolina Baha'is. Hmm... I find there two of my "big sisters" from my childhood who I talk to about why I would go to Haifa and why I wouldn't. My time in Germany is supposed to be spent travel teaching, sharing my experience from my year of service in the context of my thesis, which everyone seems to have read at this Baha'i conference. My pilgrimage wasn't going to count unless I had travel taught (going around to different Baha'i communities and helping them share the Baha'i teachings with others in that community) or pioneered (move to a community specifically to help the Baha'i Faith in that area) beforehand. So I did. While talking to these two lovely women, we were going to have Red Rose tea (which by the way Alison, I can get here if you or anyone else wants more ;)). The downside was I couldn't figure out the electric kettle and the mugs, because they had very odd openings, so I kept spilling water everywhere. You had to push the spigot towards you or away from you to get hot or cold water, but I didn't know which. So I spent the rest of the time talking to these two girls from my past (but I don't actually know which ones, I just knew their general relationship to me). I never actually made it to Haifa in the dream.
So some parts are clear why they're there. Others are definitely not. The people in it make sense due to the pre-sleeping activities of reading blogs and getting pictures from people back at home. Everything else makes no sense. But now I have it documented so I can refer to it whenever I want to be confused. B, you probably agree though that this is one of my most normal dreams, huh?
Today, I well celebrate the weekend by going to the Ithaca Farmers' Market, wee hoo! I look forward to coming home with fresh fruits (for the leftover fondue) and veggies (because they're yummy). Yay for a non-rainy Saturday.

Much ado... is it nothing?

Quotes that struck me or I enjoyed....
"Friendship is constant/Save in the office and affairs of love."
"As you are mine, I am yours."

So last night, after the first day of classes, I began to watch Much Ado About Nothing (Denzel Washington, Keanu Reaves, Emma Thompson, and Kenneth Branagh) as my treat for getting through the day. I halfway remember turning the tv off about 30 minutes into it (around 9), and then waking up at midnight... lights on and everything. So I crawl into bed. Why did I fall asleep around 9 and then fitfully sleep until 9:15 am? Because yesterday was a very very long day.
I taught my first 3 sections (aka recitations for all you USC people, there's a whole new lingo I have to learn here). They went well, the first I was more nervous for, for obvious reasons, but it also went well. The other two I remember more of. I think there's something about adrenaline and public speaking for me that the adrenaline becomes some sort of amnesia-causing chemical, since I usually tend to remember very little after the fact. Odd, I know. After getting through the 3 sections, with only 1 panicked person, 1 lost person, and 1 angry person, I headed to my first class and very relieved took a seat. The room proceeded to fill completely (over 40 people) for the topology course. I think it will be a good one. We're alternating between "extended glossaries" and homework problems each week. Extended glossaries involve a definition, an example, a non-example, and a theorem using the definition (that we don't have to prove). Our first (which we have a week to do) is "continuous function". Let me say, I've never been so grateful of Dr. Roberts' Analysis class as I am at the moment. yay. Class ended early, got to hang out with the other grad students at my very own desk, wander a bit around campus, and then got massive amounts of free ice cream at the Big Red Barn, a convenient walk away from my new home at Malott Hall (which I have accidentally thought of or called LeConte only 2-3 times... I keep expecting Prof. K to walk down the hall).
So the free ice cream was followed by cooking real food and the falling asleep.
Today was a much easier day. I showed up for office hours this morning, which of course no one came to, but me the thorough one wanted to show up for. Sat through my other undergrad class, which will be interesting, and then talked to the instructor, a colleague of Prof. K. First she was excited, but by the end of our conversation very concerned about my education and the fact that I wasn't taking the Algebra core course... which I don't want to take because of the professor. All grad students have agreed that the professor is not a great teacher but a very good mathematician. I'm okay with it, the DGS is okay with it, there's always going to be people who don't understand what you're doing.
I got to move a queen size bed with only a Honda Civic today. By the way, they don't sell rope at Target, at least the one here. I was also reminded that if you drive 5 minutes out of Ithaca, you're already in rolling hills and farms. Literally bales of hay and tractors. Pretty fun to a girl from suburbia. The mattress was successfully retrieved, attached and safely arrived to it's new home, followed by free chips and soda at the aforementioned Big Red Barn at Tell Grads Its Friday (TGIF). They're into the whole free food bit, unfortunately most of it I haven't been able to eat. But no worries.
Then I got to hang out with a couple of my fellow first years, including chicken stir fry, and my very first fondue, which I had to Phone a Friend (who's name can be mistaken for a fruit ;)) to ask for help. Nevertheless I messed it up, but was able to salvage it with the assistance of two other math majors. I plan to ask for a little more guidance before another attempt. Nevertheless chocolate and fruit were eaten simultaneously, the desired result.
I'm excited about the weekend, a time to relax and get things done. IKEA needs to happen soon though, maybe next weekend.
So these blogs haven't been particularly insightful, but it's nice to write about everything I've been doing, at least for myself. I must say, I've had several phone messages from my favorite three year old recently, and they never get old. It's never boring to hear that someone whom you love loves you... the cute and adorable voice doesn't hurt either ;). He misses me, and that makes me feel good because I miss him a lot too... The homesickness comes and goes, it's not like any other homesickness I've felt. It's not the aching kind, I've stayed too busy for that, but I definitely have the desire to come home sooner if these next 4 months last proportionally as long as these last 2 weeks. Definitely looking forward to finding non-math people to be around... so much math coming into my frame of reference ;).
Good night clock. Good night squeaky fan. Good night cricket who lives under my door. Good night noises everywhere.

First day of class eve

Well today is the day before classes begin. It was a very eventful day. I met with my advisory committee, my committee which advises me on which classes to take, how long I'll be here, etc. I'm taking 2 undergrad classes and 1 grad core class, and I'm happy about that. I will be doing Analysis, Computational Algebra, and Intro to Topology. I think it will be a good semester to begin at Cornell, to get used to core courses, to fill in the blanks of my undergrad education, and take a class that's really interesting to me. I'm also going to try sitting in on a graduate Algebraic Number Theory class, but I might wait to take it later.
Afterwards, I ran into a few of the other grad students and met a new one from Illinois. Spent the rest of the afternoon with them wandering around campus, turning in forms, lunching in the Ivy Room (I felt very officially at an Ivy League school, except that it was terrible food, but a beautiful room with the seals of all the Ivy League schools around the room), looking in the bookstore, and getting coffee/ice cream/smoothies. Then, the fabulous desk festival. This is a time when all (well most) of the grad students get together to volunteer for various tasks through the year and excitingly choose our desk. As a first year, I got to wait while all the others (year 6 through 2) picked their desk. When my moment came, I put a lot of thought into it, and choose desk 9 in room 120B. I am in a quad of cubicles with 3 of the 2nd year girls and just over a cubicle wall from 2 of my fellow 1st year girls. I am close to The Table, blackboards, and doors. I feel it was a good choice :). It was silly, yes.
I'm very happy that I got all the TA craziness settled by the end of the afternoon, and I feel much better. Scheduling classes to TA around classes to take is rather complicated.
I also got to go to dinner with several of the new and current math grad students which was delicious and fun. Later, I got to have my first Purity excursion. Purity Ice Cream is Ithaca's finest ice cream, I'm told. I got cinnamon, I was delighted. It was pretty good, a bit grainy, but the right sweetness, plus half the price of Marble Slab and only a 7 minute drive from my apartment. Very nice workers too. Friendly and efficient.
I have officially planned my first recitation section, which is good since I will be giving 3 of them tomorrow. It'll be a biggie. I definitely need to learn LaTeX, a math document editor, so that typing up worksheets is easier. Yeah, Cornell math department is a big fan of worksheets. It reminds me of elementary and middle school (the last time I remember doing worksheets). Basically it just comes down to practice problems on a page. I'm a little nervous, but after TAing I only have one of my undergrad classes, then one more on Friday and it's the weekend, one to relax and rejuvenate before next week.

Ithaca Day 10

I've made it to the double digits! I've developed allergies again, no fun at all, silly plants in Ithaca. I've spent a lot more time outside and I no longer have air conditioning so all my air comes from outside. Basically, there's no way to avoid fresh air, with all it's many delights of pollen and insects. Luckily there are solutions to such things.
My current project involves unpacking all my books and making my bed stable again. My bed frame is on wheels, which I never really noticed as a problem until now when my bedroom is hardwood floors. Even with casters underneath, my bed still moves a little whenever I do. You don't really think about it, but you don't want your bed moving, even if it's less than half an inch. My study room is still a mess, but I just haven't had the time/energy to care.

Later in the day...
Well, the bed and the study room have both been tackled. I'm not quite done with the books/notebooks, but I'm seeing the carpet in places I hadn't seen since I moved in.
I'm realizing that I may be allergic to my apartment, which isn't great. I know I used to be allergic to mold and mildew, and living in a basement apartment without air conditioning gives a very high chance of there being mold and mildew in this apartment. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I hope I'm not sick the whole year, but if I'm still sick in November I'll have to leave this apartment next August. Yeah, I have to decide by Nov. 10 if I want to move out on Aug. 10. Funny, huh? Crazy Ithaca rental policies. All those over-eager undergrads.
I had chicken soup tonight. I'm loving my stuffed animals. I took a nap on the couch. All sorts of comfort things happening today, I just need it.
Everyone here is very helpful, as long as you ask for help. That's a difference from home. At home, people are offering help left and right, I guess it's part of that Southern culture thing. We talk to strangers, offer help to people we don't really know, etc. It's a much more open culture. I never thought there could be such a difference between states and regions. But I still get to speak English, and for that I'm very very thankful. I'm so glad that I'm not having to function in a new language while also adapting to new foods, new school, etc.
So this will be a humbling experience. It's the first time I haven't been near the top of my class, where I don't know much about anything, and learning to become detached from the physical presence of loved ones. That last one is a toughie. It's inevitable that in life we will move or have others move. And we still love them, but they're far away, not in our daily lives, and you may or may not see them again. Or at least in the near future. So, I'll keep praying for God to accompany me on this journey and to send me new people to shape me even more, to assist me and people for me to assist.
Tomorrow I meet with my committee to decide my classes. There are 3 undergrad classes and 1 grad class that I want to take, but I need to get rid of one of the undergrad classes. I guess I'll have to give up the one I want to take rather than I need to take. I guess necessity overrides desire.
I got to go to the Ithaca public library yesterday, that was exciting :). I now have a library card and already checked out a book (Blessings by Anna Quindlen) which I began reading before I left and now I can finish. The library's not as big as I expected looking at the outside, just a little bit bigger than our branch library back at home near my parents' house. But it's got a nice reading room at the back and very enthusiastic air conditioning, which I appreciated since yesterday was pretty warm.
I got to buy school supplies today too :). I went to Staples, one of my favorite stores, and found the best spiral notebooks. They have fantastically smooth paper, 3 holes in them, a large enough pocket, and a sturdy cover. So I bought 7 :). And I got enough paper for the rest of my grad school career since it was on sale, and a binder for my TAing. I love school supplies.
Overall it was a productive day. Tomorrow I get to go to the desk festival (crazy math people make a party out of anything), and choose my desk :). Then I will officially be a grad student equipped with keys, a mailbox, a desk, classes, and a TA job. Wow, I feel all grown up. I have a little responsibility and the tools to accomplish things with. Let the humbling begin.

My new home

I've decided that I should get a real blog now so I can keep everyone up to date on things happening in my new phase of life. A new home, a new school, new people, and new challenges. I hope this will become a place where I can share my search of understanding, thoughts on life, and then some general silliness.

The first week

In a small voice: "Hi. This is Munir. And I miss you. I loovve you. Please call me. Bye."

By far one of the greatest voice mail messages ever received in the history of Corinne's cell phone, and I've gotten some pretty good ones. Melts my heart and makes me tear up a bit. All I can say is "Mooosh!" (Thank you Young sisters for this term in my vocabulary about small cute things.)
TA training this morning was interesting, I'm definitely one of the most talkative and attentive ones. But that's me in a classroom I guess. I got to have delicious Mediterranean food for lunch (which I didn't get sick from), go to the gigantic grocery store (larger than any walmart I've seen), take care of a few things around town, and then watch a movie with two of my fellow 1st years and hang out a bit. Getting to know people can be awkward. I had forgotten that. It helps to have non-math people involved to make the process easier. Or something to do. Rather than being bored, not know the town in which we live, and just being there. We ended up watching a movie. It worked. I walked so much today, I went up the big hill twice, which I happily say that I make it up in 5 minutes. For those of you that come to Ithaca, you will be impressed.
It's odd to see all the undergrads coming to campus, moving in, getting tours, etc. I had a strong urge to join the Big Red Marching Band today because it sounded like fun, then I reminded myself that I don't have 20-25 hours a week to spend on band, undergrad is over, and now I have such things like TA-ing multivariable calculus for engineers (2 classes with 2 recitations a week) and taking some of the hardest math classes ever. hmm, not much time for marching band.
But, I found green tea ice cream today!!!! Not as good as Blue Cactus, but it will definitely satisfy cravings. And, the Cornell Dairy Bar has Sticky Bunz ice cream, which is.... Cinammon ice cream with a caramel swirl and pecans. Is this not "Help Corinne make it without Marble Slab" or what? :) I'm happy. It's hard not knowing where to eat out, but it will get better. I can't wait until my freezer is fixed so I can get more stuff to eat.
I love my apartment more day by day, after seeing the grad student housing again a few times. Even though I'm farther from certain people, I like my apartment much better. yay for good decisions with little information.
I'm so sleepy, I'm still getting used to my new room and my bed in that room, like not having a wall on one side of my bed, and my bed slightly moving when I'm in it because it's on wheels on hardwood (instead of carpet like before), it's a weird feeling. You think of bed being stable, but this is not and I can't figure out how to make it. I have little casters underneath, but it still wheels around in the casters... Oh well, it's exciting, huh?
I think I will listen to my voice mail message again before sleep. I just love those little boys. And I love many of you too, you know who you are!

What a day

Today many firsts happened. I bought my first set of curtains that I will hang in my home. I walked up the Buffalo St. hill for the first time. I belonged at an Ivy League school (still mind baffling). I met my fellow graduate students and had TA orientation. I realized that in just a few short days I will be completely in charge of about 30 people for 4 hours a week! 2 hours two days a week! I might not even meet the lecturing professor who I am assisting! A little intimidating. We learn to be a teacher in just 3 days, whereas my lovely friend Alison gets an entire year! I am now jealous of all the time she spent this summer learning different educational techniques and finding ways to keep the students active. Oh well, I got to cook dinner for my fellow grad students from New York, Turkey, and Iceland. I made tacoes with homemade guacamole. It was the first time those from Turkey and Iceland had such things and was pleasantly delighted at their delight about the concept of nachoes... I also now have a chain on my door which relieves my paranoid self. I also planned my first recitation section, though it's fake. I'm exhausted after trying so hard today. It was a lot of work. I need to organize my place more, maybe tomorrow afternoon and Saturday. I'm ready to not be surrounded by boxes. I feel really behind, but I'll catch up. Things are becoming more real day by day.

If there were no goodbyes, there could be no hellos.

I really like this phrase, I say it to myself all the time, since I really hate goodbyes.
Today I did almost nothing. I said goodbye to my family way too early in the morning, went back to bed before getting up to be presentable for the Time Warner guy. I got to eat rasberries and strawberries while getting cable and internet installed, not a bad morning. The rest of the day I enjoyed my new connections to the world. I really missed having the internet at my finger tips, and I'm very excited about the prospect of having Gilmore Girls in my very own home for the low price of $16 a month. At least it gives me the basic tv, I haven't even had that for almost 2 years.
I really needed to do nothing today, to make up for the constant movement over the past week, and it helped me get used to my apartment. It's still unreal that I'm in New York. I am in New York. It's still life, it's just a different town, a different apartment. I miss people, I miss being able to just walk up the hill and be with people I love, but that's what happen when you grow up I guess.
Really not much else to say. Orientation starts Thursday, tomorrow I get to make another Target trip and find some furniture. Ooh, I want a library card! And I get to be here to meet the repair guy for my fridge and freezer since my freezer has decided to be an extension of my refrigerator instead of a freezer to make up for the fact that the door of my refrigerator doesn't actually refrigerate the things in it. Very odd indeed, especially since the left half of my freezer is colder than the right half. Bizarro. Hopefully they'll fix it. But he won't be Super Mr. Fix it Man with glowing tool belt, but that doesn't mean he won't be able to do it :).
I'm sleepy, so it's time for some more nothing before bed :).

A day on the road

What a day. We drove 700 miles today. 4 drivers, 3 cars. I drove about 12 of the 14 hours. It was an easier drive when I got to drive a car, but when I was driving the rental truck, it was not fun at all. In fact it was the worst driving experience I've had, even worse than driving through a tropical storm.
"One person can't feel all that at once. They'll explode."
"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon, doesn't mean we all have."
I have felt so many things over the past 48 hours, I almost did explode. It was kind of fortunate I was alone in the truck the last 150 miles, because I had a bit of screaming to do, a bit of crying, and then I had to dance and sing to keep myself awake and functional. The trip that should've taken less than 12 hours took 13 1/2. Only 2 more hours in the morning, I hope. I'm ready to move into my new place, to get excited about this move again because right now it's just really hard. God, guide me please. It seemed like this was the thing to do, but I'm going to need some strength now.
Tomorrow will be interesting, will update whenever I can. Thank goodness for free internet in hotels. Time for some good sleep.

it's happening

so it is actually happening. I am moving to New York today. We leave in an hour, the truck is packed, it's time to go. The reality of everything didn't hit me until Thursday night I think. But now it's settled in. Some of the most painful goodbyes have happened, but I also have new music to remind me of people. My family and I drive up today and arrive tomorrow to move me in. Monday will be a lot of unpacking and shopping at Target! Then Tuesday I get my internet again. Thank you to everyone who have made my life so wonderful, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you. It's time to go and get ready..... Copper boom!