You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

I have never had such a desire to spend so much time outside, until I experienced an Ithaca winter. Today, it's beautiful, yet again, with clear blue skies and 50 degrees. It's only 50 and yet it seems so warm. I never appreciated sitting in the sunlight before. But this morning, I did. I sat in Starbucks, reading my Algebraic Topology by sunlight. It's so weird to me that the trees are still so dead, since everything else (flowers, people, sidewalks) are coming to life :). And now for more reading, so that I can take another walk! :) I'm so grateful for seasons!

Spring came

Yesterday, the weather was beautiful. Today, it was still pretty warm. To celebrate the daylight and the warm temperature (probably almost 60!), I took a long walk around my neighborhood, visited a couple of my favorite falls and creeks, and just enjoyed being able to walk outside without a coat or sweater or long pants! I saw the first few flowers of spring, and it was brilliant to see the colors come up from the dark brown of the ground. I am amazed at how green the grass is, even after having been covered in snow all winter, whereas the grass in the South is always completely dead this time of year and struggling to come back to life.
The coming of spring also meant the end of spring break and the return of lots and lots of work. I have been incredibly productive over the last 2 days though, making up for doing no math over the break :). It's amazing, I understand so much this week, maybe I should take mental breaks more often!
I've been thinking over the past couple of days, in addition to math, about our thoughts. Thinking about thinking. Hmm, it's a vicious circle. Now, I'm thinking about thinking about thinking. Gah. Must stop. The point, I was contemplating the relationship of the mind to the spirit, and so our thoughts to our spirit. Abdu'l-Baha, in Some Answered Questions, gives the relationship:
"But the mind is the power of the human spirit. Spirit is the lamp; mind is the light which shines from the lamp. Spirit is the tree, and the mind is the fruit. Mind is the perfection of the spirit and is its essential quality, as the sun's rays are the essential necessity of the sun."
So our spirit gives the light of the mind, so our thoughts would come from the spirit? How much power do we have over our thoughts? We can choose the experiences we have, and what thoughts we put into our minds at times. We can also try to not dwell on certain thoughts. But, otherwise where do our thoughts come from? As we try to perfect our spirits, by turning towards God, praying, studying, and trying to put God's teachings into action, that would then direct our minds toward more spiritual rather than strictly earthly thoughts, I think. What I wonder is can God help us to focus our thoughts in a certain way? I feel like the answer is yes but no at the same time. We can ask God to help us purify our spirits and direct our thoughts, but then there's also the free will part of man that we can choose to make certain decisions including what we think about. So where is the balance? Just one of the questions that doesn't really have a complete answer, but something I'll continue to reflect on.

My pictures' home

So, I finally got organized and set up a Flickr account so that people (not on Facebook) could see my pics every now and then. So, if you're interested, take a look!

Repetition

I just finished watching a very interesting movie called Bee Season. On the outside, it looked a lot like the movie Akeelah and the Bee, but in fact was very very different. It was about a girl who ends up going all the way to the National Spelling Bee, but there were several additional themes addressed, including family life and spirituality. Her brother goes through a spiritual search, while her mother seems to be dealing with the death of her parents when she was 11 years old, and her father is a Jewish philosophy professor. I didn't expect so much depth out of the movie.
I was thinking about the significance behind repeating things. I enjoy watching the same movie over and over again. Or eating the same foods. Or creating slight variations of those foods. Or saying the same prayers. In most spiritual practices, there is an element of repetition. I wonder if we need that repetition to understand something or appreciate something. I watch the same movies over and over partly because I gained some truth or some appreciation watching it the first time, and want to remember that, but also want to gain a new understanding in the repeated viewing. Or, the repetition could be based on comfort. Once we have experienced something and realized that we enjoyed it, we want to experience it again because it's safe.
I think we rarely learn something the first time we encounter it. We need to re-examine it or face that same situation again before we learn.
But then there are some people who don't like seeing a movie again or reading the same book twice, or walking the same route. I wonder what the difference is in a person's thinking or personality. There are definitely things that we will never be able to do again, and so I try to appreciate everything I do the first time around in case I'll never get to do it again. I try to take as much meaning out of things as possible, but then those that I can experience again I want to, to try and uncover another layer of meaning or understanding. To nice things I didn't notice the first time. To reflect on the less obvious pieces of the picture. It's interesting how our minds function.

So much in nothing

This spring break has been fabulous. I came up to Maine to visit my dear B, and it has been a fabulous week. First of all, Green Acre is beautiful. It's quiet, and right on the river, and there's a nice blanket of snow on everything. Plus, there is the room where Abdu'l-Baha stayed when he came here in 1912 that's open for people to say prayers in. I have gotten to do that almost every day, and it's been such a blessing. We did a lot of relaxing and doing nothing, watching movies, eating food when we could, and just talking and laughing. Honestly, to others it may look like we did absolutely nothing, yet it has been some of the greatest days ever. Friendships like this really are invaluable. Tuesday I got to volunteer in the office for a bit and calculate some statistics and such. That was fun :). Yesterday, we went to the beach for Naw Ruz. Yes, I went to the beach in Maine in March :), and it was absolutely beautiful. Pictures to come soon. It was freezing, we all wore lots of clothes, but it was very pretty. One thing I noticed is that you can't really smell the saltiness of the ocean when it's so cold outside. I don't know if that's because my nose was so cold it wouldn't smell anything but the cold air, or if the smell just doesn't carry as much in the dry cold as it does in the humid heat. I also got to do little pampering things like staying in bed after waking up, and getting my hair cut, and cooking delicious food. I feel more like myself now than I have in a little while. It's nice to just be, and not having to defend and assert so much. It's nice to have a break from the challenges of school and life in Ithaca, and it has given me time to think and pray about other areas of my life.
I think spring break is a fabulous creation :). I just can't wait until it's actually spring.

reflections

My new chapstick reminds me of sugar cookie dough. It's vanilla mint chapstick, but it makes me think of raw sugar cookies. Which, in case you don't know me that well, makes me very happy. It reminds me of cooking with my mom, Ayyam-i-Ha, and delicious cookies. Fun times picking out cookie cutters, eating the little bits of leftover dough, and just a houseful of love. All in a chapstick. Pretty amazing.
I love the sound of snow falling. Apparently the weather can't decide what season it's going to be. Tuesday and Wednesday, it was spring. Today, it's winter again. I took a walk in the snow this afternoon, simply because I could. I didn't have to rush anywhere. I did miss Dragon Day, but I was there earlier than I was told I needed to be. Maybe next year I'll get there super early and see it. But nevertheless, I enjoyed my walk to campus in the snow, and decided to walk home again. For why not? Then I got to drive to Target and have a conversation with one of the women who works there. Recently, I've been amazed at the little things that make a difference in a day, when you just slow down for a moment and acknowledge people. You make others happy, and you feel happier. I've been taking the time to really appreciate the things in my life that make me happy.
Tonight, I appreciated myself more than I have in a while, I think. I recognized things, I questioned myself about what was really important, and since it is the Fast, and I'm preparing for a new year, that was good. There were, of course, tears. But I find that tears can be good. I think these tears helped a lot. Incidentally, I got to talk to several friends today who I haven't had a chance to in a while. And it made the day that much richer.

Spring (?) break!

I must say, I'm a big fan of spring break. Although we've only been in classes for 2 months, I'm ready for a week off. Especially after this week of problem sets. As of 4:30 pm today though, I'm done for a week :). And the Fast is almost over. It was nothing like I expected it to be. I haven't really accomplished either of my two goals, but I did make progress. We had beautiful spring weather yesterday and the day before. I was outside without a coat on! It was amazing :). But then today, we had rain turned into freezing rain turned into snow and cold temperatures. And now snow this weekend is messing up my plans! Boo. Hopefully Sunday the roads will be clear enough and I can make it to my favorite bit of Maine (well the only bit of Maine I've ever seen) to spend the week break with B. Although I enjoyed the winter and the snow, I'm ready for the snow to be gone and there to be a bit of sunshine and warmer temperatures. It's nice that the birds are back, and I even saw flowers starting to bloom this morning! They're getting a nasty surprise over the next 36 hours though.
Tonight was a lovely evening. One of the Baha'i couples hosted a dinner for people to break their day of fasting together plus see one of the couples who recently moved away. It was a very fun evening of good food and good company. Lots of laughter and thought-provoking conversations, reminiscing about favorite TV shows as a kid and talking about spiritual centers. A good diversity, all around very pleasant, uplifting, and heart-warming :). And now, I'm enjoying the leftover GF flourless chocolate cake from the chocolate party on Tuesday before some well-deserved sleep to prepare for a relaxing and fun day tomorrow! I love this part of being a student :). The relief of things being done and not having anything due for a week and a half. Amazing!

Very, very long

This week was very full and rather difficult. The math and fasting aspects of it at least. I started a problem set on Monday, and we finished 3 1/3 of 4 problems in just a few hours. And then, those last 2/3 of a problem occupied Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Whenever I was at the point of saying, "Forget it, I don't need to solve this. I give up," three hours later I'd still be working on it. And the sad thing is, I didn't even finish it! There were just too many cases. Made me second guess liking algebra ;). However, it was so much easier to work with than all the pure topology stuff. At least my brain didn't hurt trying to imagine what my space looked like, just trying to think of all the special cases. I had many flashbacks to Prof K's class, and I really wish some of math girls were here to help us Chalkboard It! :) But the set's turned in, and on to the next one.
(<-- That's what I felt like, thinking so hard and coming up with things I wanted to stick my tongue out about.)
The Fast (started March 2nd goes through March 20th) has been rather difficult. Though I have been praying for God to help me become more detached and more reliant on Him, so I guess this is what happens :). It's interesting because feeling hungry and watching other people eat is not a foreign concept to me or one isolated to the Fast. So it often takes me a second to remember why I am hungry and the purpose behind being hungry. One is to help remind me to focus on the spiritual rather than physical part of life, another is to help me sympathize with those that are less fortunate and not able to eat on a regular basis. One thing I've thought about is the concept of prayer being food for the soul. When it's 5 pm and I'm really ready to eat, I wonder if my soul has ever felt this "hungry" and that's such a horrible thing to imagine. So, I know that's one thing I want to keep in mind.
One exciting thing from today, my sister got the best scholarship, the one she's been working so hard towards. I knew she was brilliant, I'm glad Oxford realized it. Oxford College that is, as in part of Emory University. My sister will be attending Emory for free. Yes, major kudos go to jules for rocking that interview weekend and being so wonderfully fabulous they couldn't help but give her lots of money. :-D I'm a proud big sister tonight. Oh and I won my first game of dominoes tonight! Yay for better luck.

randomness

Patch Adams is a wonderful movie, and even has a character named Corinne. Love is such a magnificent force. Algebraic topology is really hard, especially when you're trying to learn solely from a book. This is my first Fast with snow outside and cold weather, and it feels amazingly different. However, snow falling is incredibly beautiful. Today I substituted chocolate with talking to my mom, and it felt wonderful. My sister is coming to visit me in just five weeks :). In just 5 days, I get to have a very fun weekend. In 12 days, I will be on spring break.
Today I was reminded that God has a sense of humor. I was reflecting this morning while eating breakfast that the first two days of fasting had been difficult, but not that bad. And so today was really really difficult ;). But it's because God loves me, and for that I am very grateful. Yesterday morning, in my dream, there was a solar eclipse. Later in the afternoon, I learned there was going to be a lunar eclipse later yesterday evening. Coincidence? Also, there are many people in the math department that care enough to cook me gluten-free food for potlucks whenever they can. It's so wonderful to have people that care so much.
I love that I have a picture of me dancing in snow (and yes, we are throwing snow at each other, since we couldn't make snowballs).