Good questions

"And the quesiton now for me is, What are my choices to be? What do I believe that I deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice, and where can I not?" -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Mid-day laugh

So, I was taking a brief break from LaTeX and homework, and picked up Eat, Pray, Love, and I found these two sentences far too hilarious:
"He might become more open and affectionate, not withholding himself from anyone who loves him on the fear that she will eat his soul. Or I might learn how to ... stop trying to eat his soul."

Jumpin' on the band wagon

I know that there has been a lot of enthusiasm for Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, but I must join in the cheers. This book has been exciting in several ways, and I've only read the first 60 pages. First, I learned about Cornell's Borrow Direct system (all the Ivy League libraries are connected, and if a book isn't available here, I can request it from the other schools and it'll be there in 2-3 days!), which became useful for coursework just 2 days later. Plus, it's the first book on my reading list for the semester. I have a list of 12 books and counting, that I've decided I'm going to just use the minutes I used to spend sitting and waiting, reading! This morning, while I waited for the bus (as 2 successive buses didn't show), I read. It helped keep me patient, and thoroughly enjoying my morning. In addition to these little excitements, the book is incredible. It's amazing how much commonality I can find between her experiences and my own. Over the past week, in several different instances, I found that different phenomena I've experienced have been very neatly put into words. Feelings, senses, etc. that I always knew about, now phrased in a simple, concise manner. It's pretty neat :).

Classes have begun, there seem to be more people around than the beginning of last year. There are definitely more people on the buses, which I don't care for so much. I like the group of first years that I'm taking courses with. We had our first analysis party this evening. Now that was an interesting experience. But, one problem set down, 13 to go ;). I have varying feelings about mathematics these days. If I can immerse myself in it, it's much easier to handle for some reason. Plus, I learned some very useful tools this summer, tools that didn't really seem quite so important as I learned them. But today, I got to teach someone something. Well, in fact I got to teach two different people two different things! I got such excitement from such simple lessons.

This past weekend I spent mostly at Green Acre Baha'i School in Eliot, ME. There, I met several people whom I had not seen for a long time. Apparently, my eyes lit up when I talked about being an instructor or teaching at a community college. I found this interesting, didn't realize I had such a response. Plus I laughed so much. Mostly at myself, but it was still utterly enjoyable.

I've had funny flashbacks to my year of service recently, mostly because of the heat. This is the first time I've really had to live without A/C in the States. Both at Green Acre and here at my apartment, it's slightly cooler outside but incredibly humid. I find urges to curl up on the floor and sleep somewhere, simply because it's air conditioned! :) I remember curling up in the check-in room and taking a 10 minute nap during breakfast, or during the Fast, taking a nap on the GF carpets (GF does not equal gluten-free in this case). Honestly, taking a nap anywhere that there was floor space. Floor naps were way better than bed naps.

I've learned the ironies of "help lines" over the past couple of days. Like, when your cell phone stops working and there's a customer service phone number to call. Or when your internet isn't working, and they give you a website to go to. The worst is when both break at the same time ;). But fortunately, I persevered and drew on the resources and stored knowledge that I had, and all is well again.

And the last bit of good news about my return to Ithaca: Moe's is coming to Ithaca!!!!!!! Welcome to Moe's! (but boo for Ugly Naked Guys now being Unanimous Decisions.)

Story of the Day

" Remember to use positive affirmations. I am not a dork is not one of them."
-Brian Andreas, www.storypeople.com

"in times like these..."

This morning, I went to the DC Baha'i Center for devotions, which were followed by a brief talk on life after death by an excellent speaker. I was reminded of the fact that one of the two things we can take with us to the next life is love. Not our possessions, not how physically fit we are or if we wore the top of fashion, but love. The purer the love, the stronger the bond. Not only should we spend time on developing our spiritual qualities, but also on strengthening the friendships that we have, the love that we share.

"That world beyond is a world of sanctity and radiance; therefore it is necessary that in this world he should acquire these divine attributes."

To be sanctified means to make holy, to set apart for sacred use. We are supposed to acquire sanctity, so I understand that to mean that I should set myself aside for sacred use. My life should be sacred. My focus should be holiness, not material gain.

She also said something which I had forgotten, or pushed to the back of my mind. If you're not progressing, then you're regressing. There's no such thing as standing still. I think that this summer, I've been regressing, since I surely haven't been progressing very well. But I've decided to change that. The events of the weekend have definitely taught me that I want to be different from many of the people around me.

I had a brief glimpse into what it's like to be seen solely as what I look like, and not who I am. I definitely had not been in such a situation before, and I found it so insulting it was a bit overwhelming. I couldn't begin to explain myself, I was at a complete loss of words for a while. After a little bit, I also learned that talking about the Baha'i Faith is one way that I can remind myself of my true identity and my true purpose, and draw on that strength that is inherent in me and was placed there by God.
This body is merely a tool, a vessel ;) (so you like my vessel? as someone I know likes to say). I should treat myself, and sought to be treated, in a way that preserves the sanctity of my soul.

At work, I feel like there's an unspoken allowance for being inconsiderate or extremely eccentric or antisocial or critical or flat out rude, as long as you're brilliant. But I don't think that intelligence should replace kindness, friendliness, or appreciation for the service of others. That doesn't seem acceptable to me, and I don't particularly want to be around that.
I've decided on a new course of study for the fall. I want to re-read Advent of Divine Justice, the Seven Valleys, and memorize the presentations from Book 6. I want to spiritually re-charge myself, re-focus my priorities, and relight the fire that I have slowly snuffed out.
I had another airport dream last night, where I had been in an airport and then gotten on a plane for one place, to try and get to my final destination faster, only to realize that where I flew to won't actually get me to where I want to be. I feel like this is rather telling about what I'm feeling towards school right now. I wonder if I made a wrong turn somewhere. The problem with being able to do anything is figuring out what I want to do. I feel out of place, completely, here. I cannot wait to get back to Ithaca, to feel at home again. No matter how hard it was, I still felt like I belonged there, for some reason (I don't know why). Honestly, I really don't know why it felt so right, but it really did. The reasons I got into Cornell have become more clear this summer. I had not appreciated the value of networking, and knowing people who know people, before this summer. It really is vital to early success. I have 10 days of work, a paper, and a presentation to do before I go home. Home to a place where all my actions are not judged, where I have the freedom to do what I want whenever I want.
On a more light hearted note, I got to see pandas yesterday :), and golden lion tamarinds. The National Zoo is really quite incredible. They give the animals much more freedom than I've seen at any other zoo. The orang utans have a jungle gym that spans across a portion of the zoo, where they can climb back and forth between two areas when they feel like it. The golden lion tamarinds have many patches of trees to play in, which cross above the paths where people can walk. I got to see the mother, father, 2 adolescents and 2 babies up close yesterday. They're really quite cute. And very family-oriented. Oh, and sloth bears are kind of funny looking. They really are a combination of sloth and bear. Pygmy hippopotami are goofy looking :). They look like a regular hippopotamus, but 1/10 or so the size. They spend more time on land, and have huge fangs/tusks (inside the mouth, which is why I didn't think they were tusks). But they like watermelon and potatoes. We were there at "dinner time" for many of the animals. Pandas immerse themselves in food. The bamboo was completely surrounding them, and I just went at it. It was adorable. They sit almost like humans when they eat.

"Real is harder to see in a smile. Tears break the seal of denial."

This is quite a hodge podge of thoughts that have been brewing for a while and come to the surface over the weekend.