I've started the teenage chapter of the book, and it's been an interesting read...
On a study by the Pittsburgh Psychobiologic Studies Center:
"Males and females become reactive to different kinds of stress. Girls begin to react more to relationship stresses and boys to challenges to their authority. Relationship conflict is what drives a teen girl's stress system wild. She needs to be liked and socially connected; a teen boy needs to be respected and higher in the male pecking order."
"Robert Josephs at the University of Texas has concluded that men's self-esteem derives more from their ability to maintain independence from others, while women's self-esteem is maintained, in part, by the ability to sustain intimate relationships with others."
In terms of reactions to stress...
"...females appear to have some stress responses in addition to 'fight or flight' that allow them to protect themselves and their dependent children. One such response may be reliance on social ties. Females in a bonded social group are more likely to come to one another's aid in a threatening or stressful situation.... This pattern of behavior is termed 'tend and befriend'."
I like the idea of "tend and befriend" much better than "fight or flight". It definitely makes sense with my reactions to stress. My senior year, whenever I was stressed at school, I would go and play with the two little boys to "remind me what is important". Those were my words that I used to explain it once. Interesting idea here.
On a more personal note, it seems like half the people in my little world are sick right now, including myself (though happily I am so much better than I was at the beginning of the week). This crazy weather, I have a feeling, has a big part in the many illnesses spreading. Plus, it's prelim season for the undergrads, so there's lots of stress in the air. So, time to hit the open road and have a refreshing weekend!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Zenzele
Zenzele, by J. Mozipo Naraire, takes the form of a letter from a mother to her daughter, as the daughter is about to leave her childhood home of Zimbabwe and travel to the US for the first time for school. It's been an interesting read, very different and yet similar to Eat, Pray, Love. A passage I ran across today while waiting in the dentist chair, a story told by the mother's mother to her which the mother is now passing along to the daughter:
"Shiri [a pet name for the mother], at the end of the day you will meet only two men in your life: One will make your hands tremble; the other will make them steady. The first will be your passion of youth, but like the blazing fires of the bush, it will soon die to glowing embers, then cool ashes. The second will enter your life quietly, like a thief in the night. He will be like the mighty trees in the forest that we don not see before us, yet they are there, strong and tall; in rain and sun, they dig their roots deep and shade us with their leaves. It is the second one who you must marry. He will be a good husband and father to your children."
Another passage, when the daughter asks the mother, "What do you think it means to be an African woman?" (and I think this can apply to any woman):
"It is to be strong, Zenzele. It is to be at peace within. You must always listen to that inner voice and not permit others to drown it out. It is to measure your words; to balance your works with your gifts carefully; it is in some ways to be selfless, to serve others yet to know and defend your rights to the bitter end."
"Shiri [a pet name for the mother], at the end of the day you will meet only two men in your life: One will make your hands tremble; the other will make them steady. The first will be your passion of youth, but like the blazing fires of the bush, it will soon die to glowing embers, then cool ashes. The second will enter your life quietly, like a thief in the night. He will be like the mighty trees in the forest that we don not see before us, yet they are there, strong and tall; in rain and sun, they dig their roots deep and shade us with their leaves. It is the second one who you must marry. He will be a good husband and father to your children."
Another passage, when the daughter asks the mother, "What do you think it means to be an African woman?" (and I think this can apply to any woman):
"It is to be strong, Zenzele. It is to be at peace within. You must always listen to that inner voice and not permit others to drown it out. It is to measure your words; to balance your works with your gifts carefully; it is in some ways to be selfless, to serve others yet to know and defend your rights to the bitter end."
The Female Brain
This afternoon I began a book called "The Female Brain", at the recommendation of my mother who's also reading it. I was a little skeptical, felt like it could be a little too preachy or "fluffy". But, at least the first 4 pages have not been that. It's in fact a rather amusing read.
From the front cover:
"It's not as if we all start out with the same brain structure. They are different by nature. Think about this. What if the communication center is bigger in one brain than the other? What if the
emotional memory center if bigger in one brain than the other? What if one brain develops a greater ability to read cues in people than another? In this case, you would have a person whose reality dictated that communication, connection, emotional sensitivity, and responsiveness were the primary values. This person would prize these qualities above all others and be baffled by another person with a brain that didn't grasp the importance of these qualities. In essence, you would have someone with a female brain." -Excerpt
"Every brain begins as a female brain. It only becomes male eight weeks after conception, when excess testosterone shrinks the communication center, reduces the hearing cortex, and makes the part of the brain that processes sex twice as large." -Jacket blurb
Talking about the fluctuations in hormone levels in a woman's brain:
"Because of the fluctuations that begin as early as three months old and last until after menopause, a woman's neurological reality is not as constant as a man's. His is like a mountain that is worn away imperceptibly over the millenia by glaciers, weather, and the deep tectonic movements of the earth. Hers is more like the weather itself -- constantly changing and hard to predict."
This analogy made me smile and giggle inside.
I think my blog is mostly going to become a collection of quotes, since I seem to be finding a lot of things that make me say, "Exactly!" Or, "Ohhhh, that makes more sense now!" or "Wow, that's an interesting way of seeing things." So, if anyone still reads this, I hope you enjoy.
From the front cover:
"It's not as if we all start out with the same brain structure. They are different by nature. Think about this. What if the communication center is bigger in one brain than the other? What if the
emotional memory center if bigger in one brain than the other? What if one brain develops a greater ability to read cues in people than another? In this case, you would have a person whose reality dictated that communication, connection, emotional sensitivity, and responsiveness were the primary values. This person would prize these qualities above all others and be baffled by another person with a brain that didn't grasp the importance of these qualities. In essence, you would have someone with a female brain." -Excerpt"Every brain begins as a female brain. It only becomes male eight weeks after conception, when excess testosterone shrinks the communication center, reduces the hearing cortex, and makes the part of the brain that processes sex twice as large." -Jacket blurb
Talking about the fluctuations in hormone levels in a woman's brain:
"Because of the fluctuations that begin as early as three months old and last until after menopause, a woman's neurological reality is not as constant as a man's. His is like a mountain that is worn away imperceptibly over the millenia by glaciers, weather, and the deep tectonic movements of the earth. Hers is more like the weather itself -- constantly changing and hard to predict."
This analogy made me smile and giggle inside.
I think my blog is mostly going to become a collection of quotes, since I seem to be finding a lot of things that make me say, "Exactly!" Or, "Ohhhh, that makes more sense now!" or "Wow, that's an interesting way of seeing things." So, if anyone still reads this, I hope you enjoy.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Are you what you think?
"The mind is just a reflex organ. It reacts to everything. Fills your head with millions of random thoughts a day. None of those thoughts reveal any more about you than a freckle does at the end of your nose." -Peaceful Warrior
I was intrigued by this quote in the movie "Peaceful Warrior." I appreciate the sentiment of it, but I don't fully agree with it. I think that our thoughts do have an effect on our "self", however you wish to define your "self". Of course we don't usually control every thought that comes into our minds, but we can decide what to put into our minds (our entertainment, our course of study, our discussions), what to experience, what to focus on, which will in turn affect our thoughts. The Baha'i Writings say a lot about the effect that positive thoughts can have, and the effect of negative ones as well. They can either uplift one's spirit, and those around him, or weight it down. Our minds have incredible capacity for progress and also for indulgent fantasies.
"The mind and the thought of man sometimes discover truths, and from this thought and discovery signs and results are produced. This thought has a foundation. But many things come to the mind of man which are like the waves of the sea of imaginations; they have no fruit, and no result comes from them. In the same way, man sees in the world of sleep a vision which becomes exactly realized; at another time, he sees a dream which has absolutely no result. " -'Abdu'l-Baha
Our mind has great capacity for meaningful thoughts that do determine the person we become, but also a great capacity for silliness and frivolous thought. I think the important thing, the one that can determine who a person is, is the balance between these. Which kind is held as important and which is more frequent. I have numerous ridiculous thoughts a day, but I don't consider myself a ridiculous person.
I thought this was another interesting point:
"All the people have formed a god in the world of thought, and that form of their own imagination they worship; when the fact is that the imagined form is finite and the human mind is infinite. Surely the infinite is greater than the finite, for imagination is accidental (or non-essential) while the mind is essential; surely the essential is greater than the accidental." -'Abdu'l-Baha
On a similar note, our thoughts can definitely influence reality in the sense that if we continually think, "I'm worthless, I'll never do well," then you most likely won't. There's a weight on your spirit and mind, and that will affect your productivity and creativity. If you constantly criticize yourself, sooner or later that will come out in your actions. You lose confidence in your own ability, you are timid in your approaches, and that fear and anxiousness can cause you to perform far below your capacity. It's amazing how gullible I can be sometimes, in believing in my thoughts. After some time passes, it's easier to step back and think, "Why in the world did I believe those thoughts? That's simply ridiculous!" We spend so much time in our heads that it's natural for us to start believing it. And we'll tend to believe ourselves more than the others around us. Different images from books I've read are flashing through my mind. We have a great capacity to punish ourselves, and when someone else says to us, "Come on, ______, don't do that to yourself. You deserve so much more." Our minds are ready to say, "Well, why should I listen to them, they don't know that I ________________" and we give ourselves reasons to believe our own selves over the people we love. This was something I really appreciated in Eat, Pray, Love, she really communicated the struggles she had within herself and the reaction of those around her. And in Maeve Binchy's Nights of Rain and Stars, the idea that it's so much easier to look at someone else's life and see what they should do and how they should react, but within one's own life it's so much harder. For personal experience, I realize just how defensive I can become, and that gets converted into a very heavy energy weighing on me and breaking me down. When, in fact, I think our defenses should build ourselves up, fortify our strength, draw on the resources that we have. God has created us noble and powerful. He's created us in His image, and resides in our hearts.
"O SON OF SPIRIT!
I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I molded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting." -Baha'u'llah
"Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee..." I like that image. God is infinite, a Being our words are too limited to describe. The entire universe cannot contain Him, but our hearts can! "Neither doth My earth nor My heaven contain Me, but the heart of My faithful servant containeth Me." -Baha'u'llah
"Knowledge is of two kinds. One is subjective and the other objective knowledge -- that is to say, an intuitive knowledge and a knowledge derived from perception.
The knowledge of things which men universally have is gained by reflection or by evidence -- that is to say, either by the power of the mind the conception of an object is formed, or from beholding an object the form is produced in the mirror of the heart. The circle of this knowledge is very limited because it depends upon effort and attainment.
But the second sort of knowledge, which is the knowledge of being, is intuitive; it is like the cognizance and consciousness that man has of himself." -'Abdu'l-Baha
I was intrigued by this quote in the movie "Peaceful Warrior." I appreciate the sentiment of it, but I don't fully agree with it. I think that our thoughts do have an effect on our "self", however you wish to define your "self". Of course we don't usually control every thought that comes into our minds, but we can decide what to put into our minds (our entertainment, our course of study, our discussions), what to experience, what to focus on, which will in turn affect our thoughts. The Baha'i Writings say a lot about the effect that positive thoughts can have, and the effect of negative ones as well. They can either uplift one's spirit, and those around him, or weight it down. Our minds have incredible capacity for progress and also for indulgent fantasies.
"The mind and the thought of man sometimes discover truths, and from this thought and discovery signs and results are produced. This thought has a foundation. But many things come to the mind of man which are like the waves of the sea of imaginations; they have no fruit, and no result comes from them. In the same way, man sees in the world of sleep a vision which becomes exactly realized; at another time, he sees a dream which has absolutely no result. " -'Abdu'l-Baha
Our mind has great capacity for meaningful thoughts that do determine the person we become, but also a great capacity for silliness and frivolous thought. I think the important thing, the one that can determine who a person is, is the balance between these. Which kind is held as important and which is more frequent. I have numerous ridiculous thoughts a day, but I don't consider myself a ridiculous person.
I thought this was another interesting point:
"All the people have formed a god in the world of thought, and that form of their own imagination they worship; when the fact is that the imagined form is finite and the human mind is infinite. Surely the infinite is greater than the finite, for imagination is accidental (or non-essential) while the mind is essential; surely the essential is greater than the accidental." -'Abdu'l-Baha
On a similar note, our thoughts can definitely influence reality in the sense that if we continually think, "I'm worthless, I'll never do well," then you most likely won't. There's a weight on your spirit and mind, and that will affect your productivity and creativity. If you constantly criticize yourself, sooner or later that will come out in your actions. You lose confidence in your own ability, you are timid in your approaches, and that fear and anxiousness can cause you to perform far below your capacity. It's amazing how gullible I can be sometimes, in believing in my thoughts. After some time passes, it's easier to step back and think, "Why in the world did I believe those thoughts? That's simply ridiculous!" We spend so much time in our heads that it's natural for us to start believing it. And we'll tend to believe ourselves more than the others around us. Different images from books I've read are flashing through my mind. We have a great capacity to punish ourselves, and when someone else says to us, "Come on, ______, don't do that to yourself. You deserve so much more." Our minds are ready to say, "Well, why should I listen to them, they don't know that I ________________" and we give ourselves reasons to believe our own selves over the people we love. This was something I really appreciated in Eat, Pray, Love, she really communicated the struggles she had within herself and the reaction of those around her. And in Maeve Binchy's Nights of Rain and Stars, the idea that it's so much easier to look at someone else's life and see what they should do and how they should react, but within one's own life it's so much harder. For personal experience, I realize just how defensive I can become, and that gets converted into a very heavy energy weighing on me and breaking me down. When, in fact, I think our defenses should build ourselves up, fortify our strength, draw on the resources that we have. God has created us noble and powerful. He's created us in His image, and resides in our hearts.
"O SON OF SPIRIT!
I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I molded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting." -Baha'u'llah
"Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee..." I like that image. God is infinite, a Being our words are too limited to describe. The entire universe cannot contain Him, but our hearts can! "Neither doth My earth nor My heaven contain Me, but the heart of My faithful servant containeth Me." -Baha'u'llah
"Knowledge is of two kinds. One is subjective and the other objective knowledge -- that is to say, an intuitive knowledge and a knowledge derived from perception.
The knowledge of things which men universally have is gained by reflection or by evidence -- that is to say, either by the power of the mind the conception of an object is formed, or from beholding an object the form is produced in the mirror of the heart. The circle of this knowledge is very limited because it depends upon effort and attainment.
But the second sort of knowledge, which is the knowledge of being, is intuitive; it is like the cognizance and consciousness that man has of himself." -'Abdu'l-Baha
Monday, September 10, 2007
Simple gifts
I must say that I'm quite grateful for the little joys today. I introduced Malott 120 to Dutch Blitz today. If you haven't played it, then you really should. It's like Speed/Spit combined with Speed Solitaire, while you're battling at least 3 other people. We decided probably almost 100 rounds were played today alone. My poor cards have been in better condition, but it is such a fun game. I haven't heard so many screams and laughs in that office for a while :). And I even won a couple games! It was great to just relax and put energy into a silly game. And to go to the gym finally, after almost a week away. And to play cards so hard that I got so hungry that I wanted to eat the gluten-filled cake sitting on the Table. So instead, I came home and did laundry and made gluten-free cupcakes (mmmmm) and just read. No math tonight, just taking care of myself and doing the things that I want to do.
It's finally cooled off here, just tonight really. It's been abnormally humid and hot here for the past few weeks, making life without A/C a bit uncomfortable. I think fall might have finally arrived. I love Ithaca in the fall. It's absolutely beautiful, when it's not raining ;). The gorges are full of water, the falls are incredible, the leaves will soon start changing. There's a freshness in the air.
I haven't really been sleeping much over the past few weeks. Partly because of the heat, partly because the moment I wake up, my mind starts racing and I can't get it to stop. I'm doing so much math, that I'm attempting to do math with my sleep. Create automorphisms, write algorithms, calculate groups, finish proofs. I must say, it's not conducive to restful sleep ;). But I had this exhilarating thought last night as I was attempting to fall asleep. I really thought about what it would be like to become an instructor. To teach. I had this image of preparing my first class, and then going and introducing myself to the students. Being in the front of the classroom, with chalkboards behind me, and somewhat resentful freshman in front of me. And felt a deep joy that I haven't felt about school or math in a long time. Not just a "make you smile" joy. Those I've surrounded myself with over the past month. No, this was my heart saying, "Yes, this is what you're supposed to do. This is what you were made to do. This is the reason you have learned all this and suffered through all this." It was such an incredible relief, and I think it will make it easier to do some of these problem sets that seem needlessly painful.
This past week, I spent about 30 hours on one assignment, and the write up was something like 14 pages long. That was just one of my two classes. This coming week, the problem set is 50% longer, so he decided to give us an extra 2 days. Sigh. Exciting things to come in the next few weeks. Green Acre for College Club weekend and B, then going home for Fall Break to see the soon to be 3 boys! and my family, and then going to NYC to see my other B and have a little BWC reunion. I can't wait!
I've been enjoying Ingrid Michaelson and Dawnbreaker Collective over the past couple weeks, as my listening fare. Oh, and I finally saw the first two movies of the Bourne trilogy. Wow. Oh, and "The Ultimate Gift" is a fantastic movie. And now it is time for me to curl up in bed and read more of this fabulous book and enjoy the last moments of my one evening weekend.
It's finally cooled off here, just tonight really. It's been abnormally humid and hot here for the past few weeks, making life without A/C a bit uncomfortable. I think fall might have finally arrived. I love Ithaca in the fall. It's absolutely beautiful, when it's not raining ;). The gorges are full of water, the falls are incredible, the leaves will soon start changing. There's a freshness in the air.
I haven't really been sleeping much over the past few weeks. Partly because of the heat, partly because the moment I wake up, my mind starts racing and I can't get it to stop. I'm doing so much math, that I'm attempting to do math with my sleep. Create automorphisms, write algorithms, calculate groups, finish proofs. I must say, it's not conducive to restful sleep ;). But I had this exhilarating thought last night as I was attempting to fall asleep. I really thought about what it would be like to become an instructor. To teach. I had this image of preparing my first class, and then going and introducing myself to the students. Being in the front of the classroom, with chalkboards behind me, and somewhat resentful freshman in front of me. And felt a deep joy that I haven't felt about school or math in a long time. Not just a "make you smile" joy. Those I've surrounded myself with over the past month. No, this was my heart saying, "Yes, this is what you're supposed to do. This is what you were made to do. This is the reason you have learned all this and suffered through all this." It was such an incredible relief, and I think it will make it easier to do some of these problem sets that seem needlessly painful.
This past week, I spent about 30 hours on one assignment, and the write up was something like 14 pages long. That was just one of my two classes. This coming week, the problem set is 50% longer, so he decided to give us an extra 2 days. Sigh. Exciting things to come in the next few weeks. Green Acre for College Club weekend and B, then going home for Fall Break to see the soon to be 3 boys! and my family, and then going to NYC to see my other B and have a little BWC reunion. I can't wait!
I've been enjoying Ingrid Michaelson and Dawnbreaker Collective over the past couple weeks, as my listening fare. Oh, and I finally saw the first two movies of the Bourne trilogy. Wow. Oh, and "The Ultimate Gift" is a fantastic movie. And now it is time for me to curl up in bed and read more of this fabulous book and enjoy the last moments of my one evening weekend.
More EPL
A few of my favorite quotes from my reading in Eat, Pray, Love over the past week or so:
"There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?"
"You make serious face like this, you scare away good energy. To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver... Not to hurry, not to try too hard. Too serious, you make you sick. You can calling the good energy with a smile."
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, (name). (Name)'s purpose was to shake you up, ..., tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it."
(I don't necessarily agree with the fullness of this quote, but I thought it was an interesting description.)
"While I stood there quietly drowning in two rivers of happiness at the same time."
"He's got a smile that could stop crime."
"The sound universe is also spectacular around here.... Before dawn the roosters for miles around announce how freaking cool it is to be roosters. ("We are ROOSTERS!" they holler. "We are the only ones who get to be ROOSTERS!")"
(This quote reminded me of that instance at NEBYfest where one of the performers mentioned that every now and then she likes to just yell "I love my life!!!!!!!!!!!" in funny and strange voices, just to remind herself :). She encouraged we do the same, and I've been using that recently, and you just can't help but smile.)
"There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?"
"You make serious face like this, you scare away good energy. To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver... Not to hurry, not to try too hard. Too serious, you make you sick. You can calling the good energy with a smile."
"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, (name). (Name)'s purpose was to shake you up, ..., tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it."
(I don't necessarily agree with the fullness of this quote, but I thought it was an interesting description.)
"While I stood there quietly drowning in two rivers of happiness at the same time."
"He's got a smile that could stop crime."
"The sound universe is also spectacular around here.... Before dawn the roosters for miles around announce how freaking cool it is to be roosters. ("We are ROOSTERS!" they holler. "We are the only ones who get to be ROOSTERS!")"
(This quote reminded me of that instance at NEBYfest where one of the performers mentioned that every now and then she likes to just yell "I love my life!!!!!!!!!!!" in funny and strange voices, just to remind herself :). She encouraged we do the same, and I've been using that recently, and you just can't help but smile.)
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Spanglish
This evening I watched Spanglish with the girls as a "It's Friday evening, and I can't do any more math" event :). I'm really intrigued by the different relationships that they portray in the movie. The choices the characters make, the foundations for the different connections, the consequences of talking, the consequences of not talking. And that's all I'm going to say for the moment.
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