Leaving Pieces

"She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went. It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said."

Happy Ridvan!

Yesterday, the Festival of Ridvan , “the holiest and most significant of all Bahá’í festivals”, began, and it was an absolutely beautiful day!

Illness - Body, Mind, and Spirit

This afternoon, something somewhat strange happened to me. Yesterday I decided it wasn't okay that I was still coughing, three weeks after first getting sick, so I made an appointment at the health center, mostly because I wanted someone to tell me that I was going to be okay and here's some decongestant to help speed along the process. Today I got up and went to class just like always, spent some time with people in the department (by the way, does anyone know another word for trapper that's 6 letters and ends with aret? or another way to say Sure Thing that is 6 letters that ends in oin? Crossword puzzle difficulties...), and then went to the Health Center. Again, I had a rather efficient visit... got to see the doctor, had a chest X-ray done, and then saw the doctor again, within an hour! She agreed that it wasn't okay that I was still coughing, and my x-rays weren't completely normal, and so we were going to treat it like it was bronchitis, with antibiotics and all. It was amazing the transition that happened while I was at the Health Center. I went in feeling okay, coughing a bit but feeling mostly healthy. Halfway through my visit I got rather tired, and by the end of it I was exhausted. And when she told me that it might be bronchitis, I think I finally just let go. This past week I've been trying to pretend that I'm okay when I'm not, because I really wanted to be. Then, when I heard it was actually real that I wasn't well yet, I relaxed and realized just how tired I was. Or, is it that my body is becoming okay, but then my mind told it, "No, you don't have to be well yet," and so it decided it wasn't? I'm intrigued about the connection between illness and our mental processes. Clearly, there are times we are sick and we're not just sick because our minds decided we were sick. Then, there are definitely other times that our thoughts can make us think that we're sick but we're really not.
I think so much of my life I've tried to convince myself that it's normal not to feel well, that everyone usually doesn't feel well and it's just a part of life to do stuff even when you're sick. And I think it's only recently that I realized that most people don't feel sick the majority of the time. They actually are healthy. And there are times when I'm healthy too, it's just less frequent and more interrupted than most. Sometimes it's okay to be sick and to not run at 100%. But then there are times that it doesn't matter if I'm sick or not, there are just things I need to do. I just need to be careful not to use illness as an excuse not to do things I don't want to, but still be well enough to do the things I do want to do. As Professor Moody would say, "Constant vigilence!" ;)
I've discovered my new favorite thing about Netflix just yesterday. As a part of my membership, there are certain movies that I can watch for free straight from the website. They download as you watch them, and you don't have to use one of your quota to watch it. You get an hour of watching time for every dollar you pay each month for your membership. I think it's pretty cool. Way to go Netflix.

"I was thinking just today about how we used to play"

"...I remember how we'd fight, make up and laugh all night..."
My sister came to visit for her spring break. It was fabulously fun :). We may not have gotten along perfectly when we were younger ;), but it's great now. It's amazing to see what different people we are. Sometimes I mostly forget about the age difference, but then at other times I still get to feel like the big sister. I think about what important experiences there are in graduating from high school and going through college, and I can't wait to see her have those amazing times. We still lead very different lives, and yet we work so well together. It was so much fun to just be silly and real, to laugh and to really talk, to hug and to play, to build and to relax. From the outside, we may not have done anything truly exciting, but it was one of the greatest weekends. I got to show her around Ithaca, have her met the people I share my life with here, show her the beauty of Ithaca, and be the cool big sister who gives her ice cream in the middle of the afternoon regularly and lets her stay up really late at night :). We've never had a slumber party before, it always seemed silly since I lived so close. But now, it's a lot of fun :). Pictures of our waterfall expeditions are up. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing the rest of the family in just a few weeks, especially since it will mean that my first year of grad school is behind me and I'm about to start an adventure living and working in Maryland for the summer. But first, there's a bit to be accomplished.

she speaks again

I finally have my voice back! I still sound like a man or a teenage boy sometimes. Gotta love that cracking voice. Today is day 3 of being able to speak, and it definitely makes life easier. The schoolwork was not easy at all. Yesterday was a very long day trying to catch up. Word to the wise, don't get really sick in grad school. It's just not a good idea. I had a professor suggest taking an incomplete for the semester yesterday, over one problem set. I thought that was a little extreme. But that's all taken care of. Yesterday only finished with Divine Assistance. I finally feel like I have some control over my life again. The homework situation is under control, I got to do laundry, and my apartment is back to normal. I definitely think that's a good sign of the healing process. While I was sick, the apartment became quite chaotic and a mess, and I hated living in it but didn't have the energy to fix it. But now, it's good. Plus my sister arrives in 4 hours! That's part of what inspired me to clean everything. I can't have my little sister coming to a messy apartment ;). I can't wait to show her everything, and show her off :). She'll have a true Ithaca experience, at least in terms of weather, since we're supposed to have rain, sleet, snow, sunshine, and clouds, along with a 25 degree fluctuation in temperature, all in 4 1/2 days. If that doesn't sum up Ithaca, I don't know what does ;). I guess this is what spring is. On the verge of freezing so you never know what precipitation is coming. The crocuses are out! Well, they were. But then it snowed and most of them died. But apparently that means spring is coming :). It is a funny time of year. The other day I was at the bus stop and I noticed these white things floating in the air. At first I thought of those dandelion fuzzy seeds, but didn't see any in sight. Then I realized it was snow. I forgot about snow like this. Just floating in the air, never seeming to land. It's pretty.
My time of seclusion and the doing of nothing gave me a lot of time to think and read. Reflections may or may not come soon. But, for all you out there, Vienna Teng is wonderful. I listened to her most of last week, and I thoroughly enjoy her music. You should look into it.

"with the fingers of strength"

"O Son of Being! With the hands of power I made thee and with the fingers of strength I created thee; and within thee have I placed the essence of My light. Be thou content with it and seek naught else, for My work is perfect and My command is binding. Question it not, nor have a doubt thereof." -Baha'u'llah
This morning, I was "saying" my prayers just after waking up, and this Hidden Word popped into my head when I was thinking about which "verses of God" I wanted to recite (one of the Baha'i laws is: "Recite ye the verses of God every morn and eventide," where the verses of God are the Writings of Baha'u'llah). It was the first sentence I thought of, and couldn't for sure remember the rest. At one point, I memorized most of the first half of the Hidden Words (one collection of Baha'u'llah's writings, short passages talking about our purpose in life, our origin, and the way to lead our lives), but as time has gone on, I've forgotten many of them.
After finding the whole quote, I was thinking about this passage in terms of sickness. God created my body, and my body has celiac disease which in turns means I have low IgA levels so in turn I get sick more easily and stay sick longer. But God created me with strength and power, and His creation was perfect. So, this is all for a reason. One thing it reminds me of is that our bodies are limited. So much care and attention goes into keeping them healthy, and sometimes they just get worn out. Then, we need to stop and take care of them. I've used my times of being sick, which come more frequently than for most people, as a time of reflection. Since my body is so worn down, I think about my priorities in life (and have to choose which I still attend to and which I give up to rest) and why my body might have gotten sick and what do I need to change. It's nice to have a chance to step back. And it also reminds me that it will be good to leave this body behind when I die. That my soul will live on without the constraints of my body. This celiac disease or low IgA levels don't define me. They're a part of my vessel ;), the thing I am using to develop my soul in this physical world. I need to take care of my body, but when my body is sick, my soul isn't necessarily. And I know I was created with strength, and so I will heal and I will become healthy again. That strength is there for me to draw on whenever I need it. It's a very comforting thought.

Silent chuckling allowed

I still can't talk, but I can enjoy these :). My grandfather's a fun guy. My favorites from an email from him:
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
and my favorite....
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

(I must say, it's very handy to be surrounded by blackboards all day when you're not allowed to talk.)

Power of Speech

Today, I learned the value of our voice. And how much we use our voice without even knowing it. And how frustrating it can be to not be able to talk. Because today I couldn't. Nothing more than a whisper. And boy was it strange not to be able to control my own vocal chords. It's not something you really think about. Usually the thought process is what you're going to say, not how you're actually going to get the sounds out. I also tested the limits of my cell phone. I really wondered if the three people I needed to talk to on the phone today could actually understand my vague whisperings.
As I was learning the bounds of my laryngitis, I watched the Sound of Music. It was something I had been wanting to do for a while, since I am constantly thinking of "silver white winters that melt into springs" and so today I finally got around to it. And that reminded me of Julie Andrews and her not being able to sing any more. After my research about laryngitis, I thought about her as a very likely candidate for chronic laryngitis after her significant (and incredibly excellent) use of her vocal chords. I know it was something more serious for her, but I could try and possibly imagine her pain after knowing my annoyance after less than a day. I also learned a lot about the larynx today. That was exciting :). To imagine that just a few years ago, we would've had to either know a doctor or go see one to learn this much about what ails us, but now we have Google and a plethora of websites on all topics. So, for these silly things like laryngitis or a sore throat or a cold or the flu, we can suffer it out at home for at least a while, unless it gets worse. Instead of having to pull ourselves out of bed, go to the doctor (where we most likely get someone else sick), just for them to tell us to go home to rest. I always found that a bit ironic, when I was required to go to the Health Centre when I was sick in order to not work or attend class, but all they would tell me (and what I knew already) was I just needed to stay in bed to rest. However, I am extremely grateful for both doctors and modern medicine. I wouldn't be alive today without such things. A basic knowledge of health is also important.
On a happier note, the expedition to IKEA yesterday was lots of fun and rather productive :). I'm excited about my new elements of organization for my apartment :), though my bookcase is still waiting to be put together. I'm a new fan of baskets and their ability to make my apartment so much better :).