Never mind

This morning, I thought I was going home today. Apparently I was confused ;). Philadelphia had far too much weather and far too many planes for one small airport, so it wasn't really going to work for me to get home. So a very nice man at the airport switched my ticket to early tomorrow morning. I got a bonus day at home. And a bonus day it indeed was. I got to have ice cream with my mom while sitting on the front steps in the sunshine, then lay down on my front yard for an hour and just soak up the sun. It was a beautiful, beautiful Ayyam-i-Ha gift. It was warm, but not so warm that it was uncomfortable to sit in the sun. My cat decided to join me, though layed down behind me so I blocked the intense sunlight as I did a little bit of math.
And after time in the sun, I came inside to conquer A4, the alternating subgroup on four letters. And conquer it I did. I now understand even permutations and the truncated tetrahedron and maybe a little about covering spaces. Such a wonderful thing!!! And hopefully tomorrow I will make it back to Ithaca so that I can turn in evidence of my new knowledge and not fall farther behind :).

Ayyam-i-Ha

Happy Ayyam-i-Ha everyone! Tonight, Ayyam-i-Ha began at sunset, and I love it. I've been home for a couple days, and all of our little festivities have been fun. We made fudge, and listened to the Grandpa Sears CD (a tape we have listened to at this time of year since I can remember... we know it really well!), and the house is a little decorated, and we played with little children, and visited with friends, and opened gifts, and the family cooked breakfast together. I love it. God gives us these four days to celebrate family and friends and His love for us, and to prepare for the Fast. I'm excited about the Fast too. I already know a few things that I want to focus on this year during the Fast, to prepare for the coming new year. It will be even more interesting since daylight savings time is beginning in the middle of the Fast, which means dinner time will be much later.
Yesterday, my brother, mother, and I attended the wedding of a dear friend, a sort of big sister. She went to university here in Columbia, and then the added bonus was that during my year at the Baha'i World Centre, she was also serving there. She had been there over a year before I arrived, and it was so nice having that comfort of knowing someone the night I arrived, and the rest of the year. It was a gorgeous wedding, outdoors and very small and intimate. It really felt like a family gathering, even though some of us weren't technically related by blood ;). We still felt like family.

In that one place, I had three of my Baha'i big sisters there, and it was really wonderful. During the reception, one of them was talking to me and said something like, "I can't wait to watch you find someone and get married and begin a family." It struck me because I never really thought of anyone except myself and maybe my mom thinking about that, especially not this amazing person that I look up to so much. Maybe it was because she watched me playing with her eighteen month old son, or just the fact we were at a wedding. For whatever reason she said it, it was sweet and took me by surprise. I'm so lucky to have such incredible examples to learn from.
Tomorrow, I head back to Ithaca to continue the semester. It's been nice to have a glimpse of spring while I've been home, but I'm still excited to go back to winter. It's been almost a dream being back in Columbia. I know it's real, but it seems slightly surreal, like I kind of belong here but I don't. Which is pretty much the truth. I do enjoy sitting in a restaurant and hear someone say the word tomorrow like tahmawrah :). I love the diversity that exists on this planet :).

Up for a breath

This afternoon I stopped to breathe for a moment. NEBYfest was amazing last weekend. Nothing like I thought it would be, very very intense, but wonderful all the same. Lots of wonderful music, old friends, new friends, new ones becoming old ones, and a cash register ... all good things. I made it home in time to finish off a homework set and leave again. I'm back again, only to leave in just 2 days to go home for a wedding and brief Ayyam-i-Ha celebrations with the family and "family" before heading back here to Ithaca to begin the Fast! It's a whirlwind few weeks. I've got these 2 or 3 songs stuck in my head, and I can't get enough of them. And sadly, my iPod is pretty much dead. It only works when connected to a power source, which means that basically I only get it in the car. Now, whether to revive the poor dying thing or just replace it, I can't decide. But the week I want my music the most, I don't have it. So I just go on with the music in my head.
Today, the sun is shining in Ithaca, and it's somewhere around 40 degrees. It's amazing how quickly the snow comes and goes. Just 7 days ago, I was practically snowed in. Now, only a few inches remain on the ground. I keep thinking, "silver white winters that melt into springs" from Sound of Music. I've never really witnessed that transition. This is going to be fun :).
Every since leaving NEBY, I haven't been able to find my head, as odd as that sounds. I think it was probably the combination of the lack of sleep and the rush of being surrounded by Baha'i youth, but I just don't feel the same. I don't feel like I've really re-entered life here in Ithaca, even though I'm going through the motions. Maybe it's just because I keep leaving or preparing to leave. Though, for the sake of my homework and classes, it'd probably be good for me to snap out of this quickly.
"I want to feel like the missing puzzle piece of something that's real."

Snow day part 2!

Your fearless adventurer has returned in one piece, rather wet but also very very warm. You definitely don't need so many layers when walking through snow, since it's quite a workout. This afternoon, I trudged up the hill, literally, trying to fight my way through snow banks on the sidewalks :) before giving up and turning to walk in the road. At least there were only a few inches there. It was kind of fun though, it's like walking on sliding waterbed mattresses. I have never seen anything like this before. The mounds of snow everywhere. The streets are deserted except for a few people going up and down. It's rather unreal. I made it all the way up to K's apartment, though the last 50 yards were the hardest, since I decided to take the back walkway which hadn't been shoveled for a very long time. I was definitely up to mid-thigh in snow at times. But it's rather hilarious actually :), especially if you're dressed for the excursion. So I swam through snow and made it inside :). I wrote very pretty math, so I get to play this weekend, and then we ventured out again to play. Unfortunately, the snow is far too powdery and we couldn't make snowballs or anything. We made snow showers by flinging it into the air :). We made snow angels, but it was very hard to get up ;). Sledding on powder is very close to impossible, especially when your sled is a cardboard box. I think I sank a full foot into the bank :). This was all hilarious, it felt so good to laugh that hard for that long for something as simple as powdered frozen water. I also tried the rolling down the hill sideways (like you would do on a grassy hill), however I still just sank, and succeeded in covering myself in snow. Although cold, snow banks are rather soft and comfortable. Very fun to fall into.
The wind was making incredible designs on the snow, like waves on the sand. I attempted to capture on "film", but it didn't work that well. But i'm including it anyway. You can at least get a glimpse of the amount of snow. Honestly, it's so magical. It's an entirely different world. I love it :) :). As long as I can still drive in 36 hours. I'm rooting for the salt trucks and snow plows.
After our snow playing, we headed inside for our Valentine's Day meal of salads, brie and pretzels, and sparkling pink grape juice. I drank out of a champagne glass for the second time of my life, and it was fun :). Oh, and chocolate. I do enjoy Dove Promises. My messages for the day were "Hug someone today," and "Make someone melt today." I thought the melting one was rather amusing, especially considering the amount of snow outside. However, I don't think either of those things will happen. Alas, I will disobey the messages on tin foil. This was quite a wonderful day, I really appreciated having the focus of the day being on the incredible amount of snow outside, rather than who is having a romantic Valentine's Day and who isn't, which is usually what a school day February 14th turns out to be, and it ruins the whole point of the day. It's a day to remember those we love, and I like that idea. We can always use a time to remind ourselves of the incredible blessing we have to love each other.
I enjoyed my day quite thoroughly, and am especially looking forward to the weekend of fun, now that the math is done!!!

Snow Day!

The snow overfloweth into my apartment because there's just so much. Last night, we got about 10 inches of snow. Over the course of today, we're supposed to get another foot :). I'm loving the fact that I didn't have any classes today anyway (though classes as of noon were officially cancelled). So I wanted to share the joy and excitement of my first big snow with all of you.


I'm also very glad that I don't have to drive any time soon, since I can barely see my car! It's that first bump in the snow with slight suggestions of blue ;). And my great landlords have been out shoveling my "sidewalk" several times today, creating the nice path that's there. You can't really see how deep the snow is, but the trick is that the pipe you see sticking up is at lesat 3 feet tall. It's disappearing :). So the joys of the afternoon will be lunch, a trek up the hill, finishing off the homework due before next Thursday, and then playing in the snow, which is still falling!!!

and the days all blur together

The past week and a half has been quite full, with lots of homework and events and cooking and so on. I did make a point of having some fun this weekend. Part of this fun involved playing a game of dominoes :). I must say, I was terrible at it, I lost really badly. However, I want to blame most of this on luck, and it really was quite hilarious how badly I did :). So even though I kept losing, it was a lot of fun, and I want to play again soon. Plus, I also made some delicious gluten-free vegetarian chili. I had never made chili before, so it attests to the greatness of the America's Test Kitchen cookbook, and a very tiny bit of my decisions. In the end, I changed the recipe quite a bit, but it turned out fabulously. I made far too much (enough to serve about 18 or 20 for a group of 4 people, oops), so I gave a lot of it away and froze some more and will eat the rest of it for days. But it's delicious, so I'm not complaining. Also, I was quite successful with gluten-free rice krispie treats. Gluten-free rice puffs were found that looked appetizing, and they did the job well.
Tonight has proven that I can't do math at home right now. There are far too many distractions and not enough of my resources here. I kept wanting to look up something from last semester or in another book, and I didn't have it with me. Which is too bad, because I was really trying to work hard today so next weekend at NEBYfest, I can completely forget about math and have fun. I'm still trying. In the next few days, I plan to work as hard as possible. Although, when I hit a wall in a problem, it's really difficult to get around it. Mathematical ladder anyone? :)

Warm again

I'm very excited to announce that I once again have heat in my apartment. They came and re-sealed my front door and changed the position of the vents, and I'm now quite comfortable :). Yay for responsible landlords.
Every day, I am pleasantly surprised or reassured by the people I go to school with. Today was especially hard for me mathematically, but it also opened the door for me to find a sympathetic listener who was in the same boat I am. It's nice to know I'm not the only one for whom this is really difficult, and who understands needing to go very slowly and review the basics. Plus, never doubt the effectiveness of a walk in the cold air to refresh and revive you.
This evening we also had the Baha'i 19 day Feast, and it was lovely. I arrived completely exhausted and frazzled, but eager to be there, and left refreshed, enlightened, and thoughtful. Devotions were wonderful, and the community news was exciting, and then we had our periodic video message from the National Center. This month it was about 45 minutes long, sharing stories from around the country and the world. Particularly touching were the stories about the persecution of the Baha'is in Iran and Egypt. I won't go into detail, but if you are interested, please ask me.
Tonight at sunset began the second to last month of the Baha'i calendar, the month of Dominion, a month to remember God's power in our lives. The last month before the wonderful days of Ayyam-i-Ha and then the last month, Loftiness, the month of fasting.
Once again this evening (for the third time this week), I got to explain gluten and eating gluten-free, and how I was diagnosed, etc. I'm very happy to educate people on the idea of eating gluten-free and the importance of having such foods available and being considerate of people's dietary restrictions, but I always end up somewhat self-conscious about talking about the state of my colon in a group of people. Usually what happens, though, is someone begins a new subject, without really noticing that I'm still talking. So they had clearly moved on in their minds. It saves me from trying to awkwardly change the subject when I feel I have offered enough detail. It is an intriguing disease... I still marvel at it. It's quite bizarre when you really think about it. I have droned on enough about it though. So tonight, everyone marvel at the things you have in your life that are warm! I sure am!

Temperature

Today was the coldest day all winter. The wind chill was around -15, and apparently you could get frostbite in only 30 minutes. Also, it's currently only 63 in my apartment. Yes, I understand that it's cold outside, but that does not mean my heat should stop working!!!!! Somehow I don't feel like I'm too demanding to ask for an apartment that's insulated enough to keep my apartment at a reasonable temperature. Yes, I know it's cold outside, but you can fix the cracks around my door frame, and the growing crack in my door (I can now see daylight through it). And I know I'm in the basement and heat rises and such, but still. I don't like having to walk around with 2 pairs of socks and slippers, 2 pairs of pants, and a shirt and hoodie around my apartment! That's wrong.
On a happier note, I can now connect 4 circles in such a way that they are all linked and you can't pull them apart, but if you remove any one of them, they all come apart. If you want to see, I'd be happy to show you :).

the baker

gluten-free cupcakes with chocolate frosting, a delicious way to end the evening. After seeing 4 cakes and a pie at a birthday celebration, it was my turn to eat cake :).

Perspective

The past few days, I've thought a lot about the differences in perspective. Certain events can be seen as great tragedies to some, while simple events to others. Six inches of snow on the ground can be a blizzard, or a normal wintertime event. 30 degrees can seem amazingly warm, or really really cold.
Today, the skies are clear and the sun is out and the snow is melting. It's still rather cold, but it's the first bright sunshine I remember seeing since returning from break. It's beautiful! Especially compared to last night's snowfall and adventures in driving. I'm slowly learning what it feels like to be partially out of control of my vehicle. I must say it's not very fun, though I'm not a big panicker, which is good. I keep saying to myself, "Slow and steady wins the race." I find it easier to drive in reverse, rather than forward, if my wheels are spinning. It isn't a very good idea to pull the emergency break when you're having trouble stopping on a hill. You do stop, but you end up spinning ninety degrees. I found myself using my beginning skiing lessons about going and stopping to drive home. If you turn sideways (accidentally), you stop. If you go really really slow, it's easier to stop. Although, driving through snow falling reminds me of the Star Wars movies and going into warp speed. It's pretty fun to have that sensation when only going 20 mph.
Despite the winter adventures, my main reflections have been from my finishing of the Diary of Juliet Thompson (finally), and related things. I thought to myself, "Isn't it incredible that we have a historical account of all the time spent with Abdu'l-Baha by one of the early Baha'is! What a favorite she was!" Hearing all the stories of the many times she spoke with Him alone, the interest He took in her, very fatherly, and what it must have seemed like to the other Baha'is in the community. And then I realized that maybe many people had this experience, not just a few. Abdu'l-Baha was always known to be incredibly loving, and being able to see the secret desires of people's hearts. So maybe this experience wasn't unique, but common! But still it was incredibly special! And most people, I'm certain, did not have the chance to spend such considerable time with Abdu'l-Baha, but still it would have been amazing to live then and be able to meet Him and serve Him directly. Abdu'l-Baha praised Juliet for her love and sincerity that she shared with others, and for her honesty with Him. At one point, concerning her love for a man that Abdu'l-Baha did not deem it advisable, He asks her if she will transfer her love for this man and give it wholly to God. She responds that she will try, and He laughed at her response, that she first said that she would but then only that she would try. She responded, "That is because I have learned my own weakness. What can I do with my heart?" He was pleased with her answer, and I tended to agree with her sentiments. It seems that so much of the time we can't control our own hearts. However, later she realizes the while she couldn't control her heart, that God could, if she prayed.
I found myself in a similar situation, realizing that by myself I just couldn't do something, that I would try but wasn't sure of the possibility of success. I was begging God to get me out of a situation, when really I needed to ask God's assistance to help me succeed, not to get me out. Classes and homework have been really hard this week, after coming back from my interviews especially, and I found myself doubting whether I should really be here. After significant efforts on a problem set with no results, I tried praying again and realized that I had been praying for the wrong thing. God opened so many doors for me to come here, He's not going to just abandon me and let me fight my way through. He'll help me, if I only ask Him. I needed my perspective to change.
As a frequent observer of people, I've started to wonder what others' perspective of me is. In getting to know someone, one's perspective plays a large part in forming your opinion of someone. In Pride and Prejudice, that's especially true. You begin the book with one impression, and end with one entirely different. And I'm sure that is true in real life as well, to a certain extent. I know the person I was, I know the person I'm trying to be, but sometimes I wonder where exactly I am in that continuum. In what situations does which side come out?
In the past few days, I've been especially grateful for having so many amazing friends. Even though many of them are far away, I know I won't ever lose them. And I feel so blessed to have that be true (and to have a telephone!). And I really want the first two weeks of this month to hurry up and pass so I can see them! NEBYfest in 2 weeks, going home in 3 for the wedding, and then Ayyam-i-Ha and the Fast!