Beach time

This year's visit to the beach has been just as wonderful as past years. We got this beautiful, huge house this year, due to several more people joining us for part of the time. We have a covered porch, a sitting room/sun room, as well as an uncovered porch, on the 3 floors of the house! It's been colder than usual, but still very enjoyable. One of my favorite parts of this house is the rocking/bouncing chairs on the 1st floor porch, as well as the beautifully decorated bedrooms. This is no "beach decor" house, but really an elegantly decorated house.

I'm finding that this year I'm enthralled by all the tiny, tiny shells that are on the beach. I'm talking about 1-5 millimeters big here. They're beautiful, and come in so many colors! I've put together quite a collection, getting some with each of my favorite people here, so I have a bunch of memories to put together and keep with me on my desk at school.

We were fortunate to have several beautiful sunrises, and a magnificent sunset during our first few days here, but now the rain and clouds have come to stay I think.

The only drawback of this trip is that I've stopped getting good sleep, mostly thanks to the strange beds and sounds of the house I think. I'm realizing just how important good sleep is to how I feel, so I'm going to need to learn how to travel and still rest well at night. This seems like a great idea, though a bit costly. I'm definitely looking forward to buying a new bed for my place in Ithaca, as it is now a necessary expense for me to get work done this spring semester.

Many many thoughts running through my head here, as usual. Nothing's really taken shape yet though - more prayers, meditations, mullings to come.

What a difference sleep makes!

I feel like I'm slowly waking up to life again. Over the past 4 nights, I've actually slept for the first time in months probably. I didn't really how terrible my sleep was, and how much that was affecting me, for the past few months. Only now, with a good mattress and a good sleeping pill, am I actually resting at night. I feel like a veil is starting to be lifted from my view, and I can actually exist again!

I've exercised every day since Saturday, I went to yoga today, I'm doing my stretches and exercises, and I'm starting to have energy again.
I'm dealing with the anxiety that if I get up out of bed, I won't necessarily get worse or sick again. I've been living under this constant fear for the past few months that if I get up, I'll only feel worse. It's been coming true until the past few days. I used to be scared that anything I did would only make me feel worse and hurt more.

The funny thing is that I didn't realize how much pain I was in until we gave it that name. I used to just feel miserable all the time, not really knowing why or what I could do about it. Now I can say, "Ok, right now my stomach hurts, my knee hurts, and my shoulders hurt, but it'll pass, especially if I put heat on it." Maybe my hands hurt, because they're not used to being used, but once I develop my muscles again, I might be able to write notes during an hour class and not be in utter pain and misery afterward. I won't have to give myself pep talks to walk across the house!!

I'm starting to have to purposely slow myself down, so I don't over do it, instead of forcing myself to get going.
Keep the healing prayers coming, I still need them, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!