Repetition

I just finished watching a very interesting movie called Bee Season. On the outside, it looked a lot like the movie Akeelah and the Bee, but in fact was very very different. It was about a girl who ends up going all the way to the National Spelling Bee, but there were several additional themes addressed, including family life and spirituality. Her brother goes through a spiritual search, while her mother seems to be dealing with the death of her parents when she was 11 years old, and her father is a Jewish philosophy professor. I didn't expect so much depth out of the movie.
I was thinking about the significance behind repeating things. I enjoy watching the same movie over and over again. Or eating the same foods. Or creating slight variations of those foods. Or saying the same prayers. In most spiritual practices, there is an element of repetition. I wonder if we need that repetition to understand something or appreciate something. I watch the same movies over and over partly because I gained some truth or some appreciation watching it the first time, and want to remember that, but also want to gain a new understanding in the repeated viewing. Or, the repetition could be based on comfort. Once we have experienced something and realized that we enjoyed it, we want to experience it again because it's safe.
I think we rarely learn something the first time we encounter it. We need to re-examine it or face that same situation again before we learn.
But then there are some people who don't like seeing a movie again or reading the same book twice, or walking the same route. I wonder what the difference is in a person's thinking or personality. There are definitely things that we will never be able to do again, and so I try to appreciate everything I do the first time around in case I'll never get to do it again. I try to take as much meaning out of things as possible, but then those that I can experience again I want to, to try and uncover another layer of meaning or understanding. To nice things I didn't notice the first time. To reflect on the less obvious pieces of the picture. It's interesting how our minds function.

So much in nothing

This spring break has been fabulous. I came up to Maine to visit my dear B, and it has been a fabulous week. First of all, Green Acre is beautiful. It's quiet, and right on the river, and there's a nice blanket of snow on everything. Plus, there is the room where Abdu'l-Baha stayed when he came here in 1912 that's open for people to say prayers in. I have gotten to do that almost every day, and it's been such a blessing. We did a lot of relaxing and doing nothing, watching movies, eating food when we could, and just talking and laughing. Honestly, to others it may look like we did absolutely nothing, yet it has been some of the greatest days ever. Friendships like this really are invaluable. Tuesday I got to volunteer in the office for a bit and calculate some statistics and such. That was fun :). Yesterday, we went to the beach for Naw Ruz. Yes, I went to the beach in Maine in March :), and it was absolutely beautiful. Pictures to come soon. It was freezing, we all wore lots of clothes, but it was very pretty. One thing I noticed is that you can't really smell the saltiness of the ocean when it's so cold outside. I don't know if that's because my nose was so cold it wouldn't smell anything but the cold air, or if the smell just doesn't carry as much in the dry cold as it does in the humid heat. I also got to do little pampering things like staying in bed after waking up, and getting my hair cut, and cooking delicious food. I feel more like myself now than I have in a little while. It's nice to just be, and not having to defend and assert so much. It's nice to have a break from the challenges of school and life in Ithaca, and it has given me time to think and pray about other areas of my life.
I think spring break is a fabulous creation :). I just can't wait until it's actually spring.

reflections

My new chapstick reminds me of sugar cookie dough. It's vanilla mint chapstick, but it makes me think of raw sugar cookies. Which, in case you don't know me that well, makes me very happy. It reminds me of cooking with my mom, Ayyam-i-Ha, and delicious cookies. Fun times picking out cookie cutters, eating the little bits of leftover dough, and just a houseful of love. All in a chapstick. Pretty amazing.
I love the sound of snow falling. Apparently the weather can't decide what season it's going to be. Tuesday and Wednesday, it was spring. Today, it's winter again. I took a walk in the snow this afternoon, simply because I could. I didn't have to rush anywhere. I did miss Dragon Day, but I was there earlier than I was told I needed to be. Maybe next year I'll get there super early and see it. But nevertheless, I enjoyed my walk to campus in the snow, and decided to walk home again. For why not? Then I got to drive to Target and have a conversation with one of the women who works there. Recently, I've been amazed at the little things that make a difference in a day, when you just slow down for a moment and acknowledge people. You make others happy, and you feel happier. I've been taking the time to really appreciate the things in my life that make me happy.
Tonight, I appreciated myself more than I have in a while, I think. I recognized things, I questioned myself about what was really important, and since it is the Fast, and I'm preparing for a new year, that was good. There were, of course, tears. But I find that tears can be good. I think these tears helped a lot. Incidentally, I got to talk to several friends today who I haven't had a chance to in a while. And it made the day that much richer.

Spring (?) break!

I must say, I'm a big fan of spring break. Although we've only been in classes for 2 months, I'm ready for a week off. Especially after this week of problem sets. As of 4:30 pm today though, I'm done for a week :). And the Fast is almost over. It was nothing like I expected it to be. I haven't really accomplished either of my two goals, but I did make progress. We had beautiful spring weather yesterday and the day before. I was outside without a coat on! It was amazing :). But then today, we had rain turned into freezing rain turned into snow and cold temperatures. And now snow this weekend is messing up my plans! Boo. Hopefully Sunday the roads will be clear enough and I can make it to my favorite bit of Maine (well the only bit of Maine I've ever seen) to spend the week break with B. Although I enjoyed the winter and the snow, I'm ready for the snow to be gone and there to be a bit of sunshine and warmer temperatures. It's nice that the birds are back, and I even saw flowers starting to bloom this morning! They're getting a nasty surprise over the next 36 hours though.
Tonight was a lovely evening. One of the Baha'i couples hosted a dinner for people to break their day of fasting together plus see one of the couples who recently moved away. It was a very fun evening of good food and good company. Lots of laughter and thought-provoking conversations, reminiscing about favorite TV shows as a kid and talking about spiritual centers. A good diversity, all around very pleasant, uplifting, and heart-warming :). And now, I'm enjoying the leftover GF flourless chocolate cake from the chocolate party on Tuesday before some well-deserved sleep to prepare for a relaxing and fun day tomorrow! I love this part of being a student :). The relief of things being done and not having anything due for a week and a half. Amazing!

Very, very long

This week was very full and rather difficult. The math and fasting aspects of it at least. I started a problem set on Monday, and we finished 3 1/3 of 4 problems in just a few hours. And then, those last 2/3 of a problem occupied Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Whenever I was at the point of saying, "Forget it, I don't need to solve this. I give up," three hours later I'd still be working on it. And the sad thing is, I didn't even finish it! There were just too many cases. Made me second guess liking algebra ;). However, it was so much easier to work with than all the pure topology stuff. At least my brain didn't hurt trying to imagine what my space looked like, just trying to think of all the special cases. I had many flashbacks to Prof K's class, and I really wish some of math girls were here to help us Chalkboard It! :) But the set's turned in, and on to the next one.
(<-- That's what I felt like, thinking so hard and coming up with things I wanted to stick my tongue out about.)
The Fast (started March 2nd goes through March 20th) has been rather difficult. Though I have been praying for God to help me become more detached and more reliant on Him, so I guess this is what happens :). It's interesting because feeling hungry and watching other people eat is not a foreign concept to me or one isolated to the Fast. So it often takes me a second to remember why I am hungry and the purpose behind being hungry. One is to help remind me to focus on the spiritual rather than physical part of life, another is to help me sympathize with those that are less fortunate and not able to eat on a regular basis. One thing I've thought about is the concept of prayer being food for the soul. When it's 5 pm and I'm really ready to eat, I wonder if my soul has ever felt this "hungry" and that's such a horrible thing to imagine. So, I know that's one thing I want to keep in mind.
One exciting thing from today, my sister got the best scholarship, the one she's been working so hard towards. I knew she was brilliant, I'm glad Oxford realized it. Oxford College that is, as in part of Emory University. My sister will be attending Emory for free. Yes, major kudos go to jules for rocking that interview weekend and being so wonderfully fabulous they couldn't help but give her lots of money. :-D I'm a proud big sister tonight. Oh and I won my first game of dominoes tonight! Yay for better luck.

randomness

Patch Adams is a wonderful movie, and even has a character named Corinne. Love is such a magnificent force. Algebraic topology is really hard, especially when you're trying to learn solely from a book. This is my first Fast with snow outside and cold weather, and it feels amazingly different. However, snow falling is incredibly beautiful. Today I substituted chocolate with talking to my mom, and it felt wonderful. My sister is coming to visit me in just five weeks :). In just 5 days, I get to have a very fun weekend. In 12 days, I will be on spring break.
Today I was reminded that God has a sense of humor. I was reflecting this morning while eating breakfast that the first two days of fasting had been difficult, but not that bad. And so today was really really difficult ;). But it's because God loves me, and for that I am very grateful. Yesterday morning, in my dream, there was a solar eclipse. Later in the afternoon, I learned there was going to be a lunar eclipse later yesterday evening. Coincidence? Also, there are many people in the math department that care enough to cook me gluten-free food for potlucks whenever they can. It's so wonderful to have people that care so much.
I love that I have a picture of me dancing in snow (and yes, we are throwing snow at each other, since we couldn't make snowballs).

Never mind

This morning, I thought I was going home today. Apparently I was confused ;). Philadelphia had far too much weather and far too many planes for one small airport, so it wasn't really going to work for me to get home. So a very nice man at the airport switched my ticket to early tomorrow morning. I got a bonus day at home. And a bonus day it indeed was. I got to have ice cream with my mom while sitting on the front steps in the sunshine, then lay down on my front yard for an hour and just soak up the sun. It was a beautiful, beautiful Ayyam-i-Ha gift. It was warm, but not so warm that it was uncomfortable to sit in the sun. My cat decided to join me, though layed down behind me so I blocked the intense sunlight as I did a little bit of math.
And after time in the sun, I came inside to conquer A4, the alternating subgroup on four letters. And conquer it I did. I now understand even permutations and the truncated tetrahedron and maybe a little about covering spaces. Such a wonderful thing!!! And hopefully tomorrow I will make it back to Ithaca so that I can turn in evidence of my new knowledge and not fall farther behind :).

Ayyam-i-Ha

Happy Ayyam-i-Ha everyone! Tonight, Ayyam-i-Ha began at sunset, and I love it. I've been home for a couple days, and all of our little festivities have been fun. We made fudge, and listened to the Grandpa Sears CD (a tape we have listened to at this time of year since I can remember... we know it really well!), and the house is a little decorated, and we played with little children, and visited with friends, and opened gifts, and the family cooked breakfast together. I love it. God gives us these four days to celebrate family and friends and His love for us, and to prepare for the Fast. I'm excited about the Fast too. I already know a few things that I want to focus on this year during the Fast, to prepare for the coming new year. It will be even more interesting since daylight savings time is beginning in the middle of the Fast, which means dinner time will be much later.
Yesterday, my brother, mother, and I attended the wedding of a dear friend, a sort of big sister. She went to university here in Columbia, and then the added bonus was that during my year at the Baha'i World Centre, she was also serving there. She had been there over a year before I arrived, and it was so nice having that comfort of knowing someone the night I arrived, and the rest of the year. It was a gorgeous wedding, outdoors and very small and intimate. It really felt like a family gathering, even though some of us weren't technically related by blood ;). We still felt like family.

In that one place, I had three of my Baha'i big sisters there, and it was really wonderful. During the reception, one of them was talking to me and said something like, "I can't wait to watch you find someone and get married and begin a family." It struck me because I never really thought of anyone except myself and maybe my mom thinking about that, especially not this amazing person that I look up to so much. Maybe it was because she watched me playing with her eighteen month old son, or just the fact we were at a wedding. For whatever reason she said it, it was sweet and took me by surprise. I'm so lucky to have such incredible examples to learn from.
Tomorrow, I head back to Ithaca to continue the semester. It's been nice to have a glimpse of spring while I've been home, but I'm still excited to go back to winter. It's been almost a dream being back in Columbia. I know it's real, but it seems slightly surreal, like I kind of belong here but I don't. Which is pretty much the truth. I do enjoy sitting in a restaurant and hear someone say the word tomorrow like tahmawrah :). I love the diversity that exists on this planet :).