Then again, maybe not.

This morning, I got up thinking I was heading to Madison, WI for lunch. We got out of Columbia just fine, my mom and I continue to have fun together, and we arrive in Detroit no problem. We have a relatively short but comfortable layover, board the flight to Madison, and start chatting with our neighbor. We taxi out to the runway, and then we sit for a while. Turns out a warning light came on. They decided to check it out, decided it was just a faulty bulb and replaced it. Then the light came back on with the supposedly fixed bulb. They decide it's a real problem, look into it, and then (after a full hour of sitting on the plane) they decide to cancel the flight. My mom and my excellent teamwork kick in, and after waiting in lines, talking on phones and to customer service, we're now in Detroit for another 5 hours and arriving in Madison 7 hours late. Oh well. Such is the life of flying. It's a good thing that my mom and I have a lot of fun together, no matter what we're doing. Maybe it's that we're especially silly when together, but everything seems hilarious :). Especially thinking back to our fabulous day yesterday.
Yesterday was my SC beach day. SC beaches are pretty nice, and there's one beach that I've been going to for a long time and I wanted to take my one chance this summer to go. We met Erin at Moe's for lunch, which was fabulous. Catching up, sharing Moe's together again, discussing GG a bit, and just enjoying each other's company. I was sad to leave, but I also wanted to get to the beach before the rain started. But we got to the beach.
And now it's time for a commercial break. Back later...
The wait is almost over! After watching an old episode of Grey's Anatomy and then Fried Green Tomatoes, we almost forgot we were in an airport for a while. An entire plane to Frankfurt boarded and took off without me really noticing.
For the beach, I want to remember parasurfing, good long talks about family, the incredible wind, the flying sand, the sprinklers, and sitting in the car overlooking the ocean just to escape the wind and rain.
This week I have learned a lot about my family, and understood more about my childhood and my perspective. It has been so incredibly helpful and enlightening. It really is the exciting the relationship you develop with your parents as you grow up.

Parents

Today was my sister's graduation party. Along with two of her friends, she was honored for having completed her high school education. I was proud of her :). It was an interesting collection of generations at the backyard barbecue, and I fit somewhere in between, not quite part of any of them. As is typical of me in a large group, I tried to take on a role. First, I was big sister and photographer. Then, I was child care. Then I was daughter. Then I escaped and finished my book ;). During my different functions, I observed some of the mothers/fathers with young children vs. the parents of the graduates. This morning my mom said something to me as we hugged for the billionth time about how she was the luckiest person on the world. I said something about being a very lucky person as well, and she replied, "yes, but I'm the luckiest." For some reason, it made me think back to how much has changed since I was born (well all the children, but I was thinking from my perspective specifically). For me, my mom has always been just that - my mom. I'm learning new things about her all the time, but she's still my mom. However, from her perspective, she's watched me develop into a person, becoming someone slightly different every year. Beginning as a baby with very little personality or uniqueness, into a toddler who is just exploring the world and wants to know Why anything and everything, and then through childhood. I began as a baby who just needed her love, and somehow became me. Parents sacrifice incredible amounts for us to become the people that we are. It reaffirms to me the importance of remembering our parents in our prayers every single time that we pray. We owe them that much gratitude and respect. I love being my mother's daughter. But at the same time, it's hard. Everyone loves my mom. And so, next to her, I feel like second fiddle sometimes. Although, I love my mom a lot too, so if there's anyone whose shadow I want to live in, she's definitely on the very short list.
Baha'u'llah gives such a high priority to respect for and service to parents:
The fruits that best befit the tree of human life are trustworthiness and godliness, truthfulness and sincerity; but greater than all, after recognition of the unity of God, praised and glorified be He, is regard for the rights that are due to one's parents. This teaching hath been mentioned in all the Books of God, and reaffirmed by the Most Exalted Pen. Consider that which the Merciful Lord hath revealed in the Qur'án, exalted are His words: "Worship ye God, join with Him no peer or likeness; and show forth kindliness and charity towards your parents..." Observe how loving-kindness to one's parents hath been linked to recognition of the one true God!

Home

I haven't seen so many South Carolina license plates in a while. It's fun. I got Marble Slab ice cream tonight, and was silly with my sister in Target :). Plus, I played in the park with my favorite little boys.
I realized today that I feel like people often question my decisions, or criticize. One or the other. And I don't really get it. Do I not often make sense? I like my decisions, but it's annoying to always have to defend them.
I started reading "Nights of Rain and Stars" for the second time on the plane today. There was one part where a girl had gotten really ill, and later apologized to the woman who took care of her about the mess. This woman replied that it wasn't a big deal, the important thing was that she felt better, and that she should know this since she was a nurse. That struck me. It's really the mindset we should have. The labor that goes into something is not as important as the end result.
I really love this book. It makes me laugh, cry, smile, and think. That's pretty neat to have all in one book (that really isn't too long). The main theme of the book seems to be that it's often so easy to see and fix other people's problems or dilemmas, but very hard to take advice/suggestions/criticisms on your own life and to fix your own conflicts. It's something very important to remember.
After a day of travelling, I'm exhausted. Tomorrow, I get to cook for my mom's meeting. I'm excited :).

A new Columbia

This evening, I arrived at my new home for the next few months :). I've settled in a bit, tomorrow I'll explore my neighborhood a bit, find the necessities and frivolities, etc. I'm slowly getting connected back to the world, I'm learning more about parenting teenagers in the day of internet and cell phones. My high school years just saw the beginning of such things, very different from those currently in high school. Basically, I have email but that's about it at the moment.
My new home definitely has character :). It's not the best place I've lived, nor the worst. I'm very excited about it though, making it just a little bit mine while still respecting that this is a room in another family's home. The family is wonderful, and it's fun to be back in a family atmosphere. I can't wait until Friday when I see my own family too :).

"I want to be a dancer!"

Tonight, something made sense to me. Something clicked, fell into place. Me, as a children's librarian. I love children, more than normal, and I have always loved libraries. One of my favorite places to be was the library. I volunteered at the public library for 5 summers. I spent most of my time in elementary school in the library. I love going to the library here. And I could be around children and children's books all the time. I don't know if I really have the artistic skills for such a job. But maybe I could learn to not be so embarrassed by whatever I create. And maybe it would come with time. The softness that one needs for drawing and creating. Everything always ends up so sharp and jagged.

I've always liked straight lines. And I've always liked the color blue.

I remember doing a painting once in elementary school, that I loved and I was so proud of. I felt like I had really created art. And I showed it to my teacher and she said, "There's too much blue. You need more colors." So dutifully, I added more different colors and it ruined it. I hated the painting from then on.

I pretty much finished my take home final today. It's not perfect at all. It's not turned in yet. I wasn't ready to let go of it, in case I woke up in the morning and realized that I had done something wrong.

I wonder if the reason I'm in grad school is because it's "my thing." Math has been the thing I've always been good at and enjoyed. I enjoyed French horn, but I wasn't spectacular at it. I loved dance and performing, but I really wasn't that good. I was much better in my head than in reality, which I think is one reason that I love to dance but never do it out of my own apartment or when anyone is watching.

My hope is this summer will reignite my passion for math, or give me new insights as to what I want to do. I have so many options ahead of me, and I need to figure out which one I want to take.

"Music and Lyrics" is a rather amusing movie. Exactly what we needed tonight to destress from finishing analysis exams. I would highly recommend it.

I realize this entry is rather extreme. "Always". I know it probably isn't always, but that's what it feels like. That's what I remember feeling at least.

"I think I'll get my own avocado tree."

"That flying turtle bird was the most original costume in the third grade."

new adventures

This morning I drove a friend and her mom about 50 miles north of Ithaca to meet a ride to Green Acre. I was rather jealous since I wanted to go with them since one of my favorite people in the world is there. However, I needed to stay home. After dropping them off, I realized that I was in a new part of my state, and an exciting part of my state. So, being spontaneous, I decided to visit nearby Seneca Falls, NY, home of the first Women's Rights Convention in July 1848. Just driving along the main road, there it was on the left. I pulled over into a rather abandoned parking lot and ventured into the state park that marks the spot. Today, it is a beautifully architectured pavillion area surrounding the remains of Wesleyan Chapel, the actual location of the convention. This held special meaning for me since I did several research projects and papers on Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony. I always felt a special connection to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, since I share her name. And almost the same initials, just noticed that. Anyway. It was a beautifully sunny day, the birds were singing, the wildflowers in bloom, and me in that historical spot. It was a very neat feeling. Said some prayers, took in the atmosphere and drove on.
I drove home along Cayuga Lake, and really appreciated it's beauty for the first time. I stopped at Cayuga Lake State Park, which is at the northern tip of the lake, and enjoyed seeing the gulls and the geese playing near the edge of the water. Sitting on a bench at the edge of a lake in the sunshine is a great feeling :). I drove all the way down the lake, seeing many vineyards, amazing houses, and of course lots of sunshine and water. I decided to take a stop at Taughannock Falls on my way by, just because I could. I'm not sure what it is about those falls that make me enjoy it so much. Today I noticed the beautiful patterns in the water as it falls. And it actually is slower than it seems, if you try to follow those patterns all the way down. You can really get the feeling that the water is in free-fall, rather than flowing.
Being back home seemed rather dull after my morning excursions, but I headed to campus pretty quickly to work on my take home final. That only lasted so long, and then I decided to experience my first Slope Day. Cornell throws a big party on The Slope on the last day of classes, today. It's quite a big to-do. So, I ventured in, had a free smoothie, watch a bit of a dance competition, saw the games to be played, heard the tail end of a band, and stood in line for cotton candy. Yes folks, that's right, all I got to do was stand in line. When I was almost to the front, they literally pulled the plug since it was 4 pm. It was quite disappointing. But oh well. Once I decided I had enough of the crazy undergrads in large crowds, I headed back home to figure out what to do to remain outside :). My conclusion? Visit my favorite Baha'i couple and their fantastic 18 month old daughter. We had a blast playing outside, going to the grocery (I learned a new facet of Wegman's wonderfulness... they give out free balloons, we got purple), seeing her cuteness grow by the minute ("Oh, it's so heavy, Mommy" said in a very cute voice concerning the block of cheese), then dinner and fudge and tv fun time. I do enjoy spending time with them oh so much. And fudge is delicious, and even better when it is warm. I'm glad I have spread my fudge recipe to new families. What great childhood memories. An amazing day beginning a fabulous weekend! I love that I finally am giving myself the time to spend doing such things.

"all things seem possible in May"

Algebraic topology is excitingly over. A bit of a celebration was had in Malott 120B. It was quite joyous. This joy was followed by a phone call about work this summer and then the long-postponed purchase of my Cornell sweatshirt and wonderful groceries.

"I understand what makes a woman think that any man is better than nothing. I'll just neer understand what makes a woman think she's got nothing." -Jeremy, on "Sports Night"

This quote struck me, mostly for the last sentence. In fact, I only included the first sentence, since the second one doesn't make as much sense without it. Today in class I was thinking about how much of a control freak I am, and that it really needs to be changed. I'm a multi-tasker and an efficiency fan, and so I usually feel like it will get done the best and most efficiently if I do it. But that's not a good mindset to have, especially with children or students. Though really, it's never good. So why do I feel the need to be in control? Where did it come from? I think the gluten-free thing has even exacerbated the problem. However, recently I have learned to let people help me out, even learning to ask people to help me out. That last one is a big one. Being humble enough to ask for help, and to feel confident enough to think that people want to help you. I think we often feel like we have nothing to give, have given very little, and so cannot ask for something in return. It's a skewed perspective. It's also important to let others do things. It empowers them, is a sign of trust and respect, and lets them be of service. I need to remember this more often. And the fact that I can't actually be in 3 places at once, even if I want to.

"this is the song that you throw on when life is feeling rather long, and you're longing for the confidence to make it. these are the words that make you feel that all your dreams aren't dreams but real events that haven't taken place yet. but if you stare high, the sky will come right down and kiss you. if you keep your head towards the stars, they will assist you. the world is yours." -Andy Grammer, "the world is yours"

Walking

Today, as it was the 12th day of Ridvan, I did not go to school. I didn't do any homework. It was fabulous. And what made it even better was that it was a mild, sunny day, and I walked all over Ithaca. I walked up to the shoe store, returned the shoes I did not like, and got two new ones that I like very much. I got to venture to Staples, always exciting, grab a smoothie, briefly stop by Buttermilk Falls, then walk down to the music store. While walking there, I got a very important telephone call that my job for the summer is finally definite! Nothing's clear, but it is for sure :). Plus, I ran into one of the other young Baha'i women here, and we enjoyed the creek and the sunshine together. Then, I spent an hour at the music store looking through all the different horn books and music that they had. It was fantastic. No store clerk bothered me, no one looked at me funny, it was just me and the music. I got some new stuff which I'm really excited to play. Then, I also got a beginner's flute book for my new summer project. I'm going to be musical this summer. Start playing my horn regularly (now that I'm actually interested in it because I have interesting music), and teach myself to play the flute. Why the flute? Well, because I know people that own flutes, I tried playing it in high school and had fun, it's a very compact instrument, and it can be used for devotional programs and not drown out anybody speaking. Plus, I can practice it without bothering my neighbors. And it has lots of keys that make cool sounds when you close them :). On my walk back home with my exciting purchases, I met a dog. Yep, a dog. He/she was just wandering down a sidewalk. The mother in me came out extremely. I was rather worried about this dog and where its owner might be. I called the number on its tag and got a voicemail. I didn't want to leave it because I didn't want to be irresponsible. But my mom convinced me that since it was a fully grown dog, it could find its way home (especially since the dog didn't seem too anxious about anything). So, it followed me another block or two and then stopped and gave me a "Where are you going?" look. I continued walking, and ran into yet another young Baha'i woman and her mom who is here visiting from Madagascar! Oddly enough, within a block of where I met the first one :). It was great! I've never run into Baha'is not on campus before :).
Just a little while later, I walked back down to the Holy Day celebration, thoroughly enjoying the fact that Baha'is live close enough for me to walk to their place and that it's not painfully cold so I actually can walk. And almost as soon as I got there, a 4 year old girl attached herself to me, and it was splendid! She and I played all evening together, mostly with her on my lap. Except for the brief time that I played with an 18 month old. It was beautiful. Filled me up so much. It hurt so bad to see the girl's face when I said that I had to go home. But it was a beautiful night.
Tomorrow is my last day of classes of my first year of grad school. By tomorrow at 4 pm, the only thing left will be one take home final and then I am free. Many fun things are planned for this summer. Exciting new (and old) places and people and challenges and opportunities. Plus, it's going to be warm :), even hot.
I've reconnected with several old friends recently, mostly because of Facebook. And for that, I have a new appreciation for it. I love reconnecting with close friends. This one sister in particular it was especially wonderful to talk to her. She and I are opposites in almost every way, which meant that we both learned a lot from living together ;). As she said once, "Ours is a friendship that it doesn't matter how long it has been since we've talked to or seen each other, but the moment that we do, it's exactly as it has always been." That closeness will never disappear, and I am truly grateful.