"Be not content with the ease of a passing day..."

From the Hidden Words:
"39. O OFFSPRING OF DUST!
Be not content with the ease of a passing day, and deprive not thyself of everlasting rest. Barter not the garden of eternal delight for the dust-heap of a mortal world. Up from thy prison ascend unto the glorious meads above, and from thy mortal cage wing thy flight unto the paradise of the Placeless.

40. O MY SERVANT!
Free thyself from the fetters of this world, and loose thy soul from the prison of self. Seize thy chance, for it will come to thee no more."

From the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha:
"When one is released from the prison of self, that is indeed freedom, for self is the greater prison."


These two quotes have been on my mind the past few days. October has been flying by, but I must say that no day has been easy ;). It's been exciting and wonderful and busy. I'm still working really really hard on school work, but finally by the middle of this past week, I felt almost on top of things, able to accomplish everything I needed to, and able to actually sleep at night. It's a wonderful feeling. After two months, I finally feel somewhat settled in. It's been a whirlwind of new people, new challenges, new ideas, new ways to study, new places to adjust to, and new insights about myself. Overall, I'm so happy that I'm here, but I know it's not going to be an easy six years. But in the end, I cannot wait to be a math professor, as crazy as that sounds to most ;). Again and again, I'm reminded of the importance of good education and caring educators, ones who want the students to learn, not just hear themselves speak. It makes such a difference when you actually enjoy lectures. (Why can I not underline in this silly blog?)
Last night was the commemoration of the Birth of the Bab, my first Holy Day here in Ithaca, and it was lovely. Definitely nothing like what I had planned for, but still wonderful. I got to meet new people and see old faces, and I got to help set up which I loved. I really enjoy trying to make a room pleasing to the eye and heart. I like that comfort.












Today was a wonderful day. It began with catching up on life, and making fudge (sadly without the family), then visiting an incredible waterfall (I think it's called Ithaca Falls) which was overflowing because of the all the rain we have had over the past few days. Even 30ish yards away we were getting sprayed with water (see me getting wet, it doesn't look so fantastic in this picture, but it was amazing). I wanted to just stand there and enjoy it, but I was getting wet and starting to get cold, so I had to keep moving. I wanted to take pictures to show to people, to share this amazing sight, but John Mayer's 3x5 kept running through my head, so I tried to limit my pictures and actually enjoy what was in front of me. After that was the math grad student bake off, card playing, and Halloween decoration party, which was fun and yummy and laughter-filled :). Afterwards followed by a delicious dinner before the Cornell Symphonic Orchestra, Wind Ensemble, and Jazz Ensemble concert :). Yes, I voluntarily went to a band/orchestra concert on a Saturday night, and it was marvelous. It made me want to come straight home and play my horn. I miss being directed and being a part of a group and playing music. The horns were pretty good, though they did like to really blast which does horrible things to sound. But overall it was a pretty good concert, and it turned out that 2 of my classmates and one of my students were performing. Small world. And then the 3 concert attendees got to play Hoopla and cards :) which was delightful as well. Overall it was a lovely day filled with people and nature and music and food, what more could you want?
I realized tonight at the concert that I really do need music in my life. I have missed it greatly, and I need to make sure to keep it as a part of my home for the rest of my life. Not just listening to recorded music, but actually playing music and having my friends and family play for me. I love live music, it's wonderful.

And the world spins madly on...

These past 8 days have been incredibly busy and eventful. My life in Ithaca continues, with many challenges and surprises. My trip to Maine was wonderful and amazing... spiritually refreshing and filled with old friends. I got to pray - hard core pray, which was wonderful. I got to catch up with fellow service youth, I got to see my "sister" and a "big brother", which was also lovely. And I got to get to know one of my fellow Baha'i women, and that was oh so delightful. I'm so excited to be here. I took my analysis midterm this evening, which was one of the tensest exams I've ever taken. It was 4 problems, and very difficult. But it's over :). So now, there's still a million and one things to do before fall break, but I will officially be done in 48 hours! And then I get to have a lovely dinner, and then head home the next day! I cannot wait to be back in South Carolina, to step foot into my parents house, to give my favorite people big hugs, and do all sorts of fun things. But now, off to bed because I thoroughly enjoy sleep and very much need it.

Wow, is this life?

So, tonight I was driving home, marvelling at the many things that have happened over the past few days that make think, "Wait, this is my life?" Things that I hear about happening to other people or that it's been a long time since they happened. I have moved to a new place, and things are very much different. I'm still the same me, but with entirely new people. And I'm being tested in new ways, and having fun in new ways, it's funny.
Tonight I hung out with a couple of the Baha'i undergrads... we had talked about how we needed to have a social network as well as a spiritual network among us, so I offered that we could hang out tonight, and hence I was invited to help make cookies at the Eco dorm. I thought I'd take ice cream, and we'd hang out and make cookies the three of us. I kind of forgot what being in a dorm on a Saturday night is like... there were of course at least 40 people in and out, they were wrapping up a Danc-inox marathon (dance-athon combined with celebrating the equinox), and so there were people with that, plus when you say "cookie" in a dorm, people come running. It's complete craziness at times... it's a cool life, you're surrounded by so many different and interesting people, but I have very little in common with any of them, but it's still cool to feel their energy. But I was definitely ready to leave after a couple hours, ready to get out of the madness and go to a place where I have a kitchen and a bedroom and a living room all together, and don't share that common space with literally hundreds of people. I enjoyed living in the dorm, constantly around other people, it was a fun time, just not for me any more... And I'm doing fun stuff with other math people, including contra dancing last night and Studio 60 premiere tomorrow night. Contra dancing was so much fun and I met some pretty cool people. It's one of those things I never would have seen myself doing in Columbia, but I'm so glad I'm doing it here!
And if I ever use the phone, I'm always surprised to actually talk to someone, and not get their voicemail. It's only been the past few weeks that's been true... I guess we've all just gotten so busy with life.
My home I share with many spiders... those of you that know me know that this is a very very big growth process for me. I hate spiders just as much as I hate cockroaches... and I have gone from one thing to another. But at least spiders have a purpose... they control the bug population. But there are just a lot of creepy crawlies, and I'm not enjoying it. And I have a feeling it will get worse in the winter, because it'll be warm in here and not out there. But today I was standing in my living room, and all of a sudden this spider dropped down from the ceiling right in front of my face!!! Aagh. But I'm learning to deal with it. There are so many I can't kill them all, and even if I do, they'll just come back. Any suggestions?
Enough about spiders, a yucky topic.
I've started acquiring books recently. Books I want to read but have very little time to. I need to get back to the library, which is only about 5 blocks away and yet seems so far, because I never have time when it's open to go! Maybe some time next week, since they're not open tomorrow. I can't wait to know this town better. Little by litte, day by day, right?

Fantastic weekend!

Last night I went contra dancing!! It was so much fun... spinning around the room, dancing with a ton of different people, meeting new students, new people, etc. Then, I finally got the furniture finalized in the apartment, got to go shopping, get my hair cut, cook lots of food, watch 2 movies, woo hoo! And big plans for the next few days too. And then I get to go to Maine! I like weekends :). More thoughts later, I'm off to watch people make cookies, while we eat ice cream and caramel sauce, what a fabulous Saturday night.

these are a few of my favorite things...

it's 38 degrees outside, seeing stars just outside my door, fondue, silly girlie movie with the girls, a new cookbook, new books to read, yummy food, Wegmans and their "Gluten-Free" labeling, and sleeping under my IKEA feather quilt tonight, sleeping past 6:30 am. dancing tomorrow night, hair cuts and shopping on saturday, farmer's market with fresh apple cider, and happy mail.
it's amazing the difference a day makes :)
...for the greatest bestowal of God is love. Love is the source of all the bestowals of God. Until love takes possession of the heart, no other divine bounty can be revealed in it. -Abdu'l-Baha
I ran across this quote on Monday when I was searching around for things to read during prayer time with C and had forgotten my prayer book once again. then, I received a lovely card today with this quote on it as well. It's been the source of much thought recently. as many of you know, I've thought about love and it's power a lot over the past year, as it is the topic of my blog after all.
It's an interesting journey I'm on now, I can't wait to see the next bend in the road... I feel kind of like a living Jenga game... every moment a new block is taken out from under me and I have to try to balance, and before I get to balancing another one is taken. But, I can cheat, I can use sticks to hold me up, I just have to work to find them in prayers and love and friends. I thank God for giving us love.
What a power is love! It is the most wonderful, the greatest of all living powers.
The first [kind of love] is the love that flows from God to man...This love is the origin of all the love in the world of creation.

It's been a long while

I feel like it's been forever since I posted, and much has happened in the past week. Today, I smiled a very big smile for the first time in a while, and it felt so good. All over a single phone call, speaking of Fruit Roll-Ups, blue and red sleeping bags, and an upcoming visit.
A big burden has been lifted off of my shoulders, and it definitely wasn't an easy process. Basically, I realized I was in far over my head in my analysis class, and it just wasn't right. As much as it was hard to admit that I couldn't understand math, that I was at a risk of failing, yes literally failing, it definitely was the right decision. I'm now officially in the undergrad analysis class, auditing the grad class so that when I take it next year things will make more sense. It's a bit of a blow to the ego, but we all need those, right? I'm definitely looking forward to the semester, it's going to be everything analysis wasn't last year, which is fantastic. It's really funny, we've basically turned things backwards... things that were our definitions of closed and compact and such are now theorems, and our theorems are now definitions. Funny how math works like that sometimes. And my lecturer is much much better, and easier to listen to at 8:40 in the morning. I now have class Mon-Thurs at 8:40 am. Not happy about that, but oh well. Do they not understand that my mind doesn't want to be thinking about analysis that early?
I gave my first quiz today, it was an interesting feeling. I proctor a prelim next week. I do enjoy this teaching thing. I kind of feel like a clown sometimes... a math clown... no not as in math jokes and tricks, but a clown that does math and tries to encourage and motivate others to do math.
Due to the intense week though, I am thoroughly exhausted and very ready for a break, so tonight I will eat ice cream, put gas in my car, get groceries, and settle down with fondue and a movie. Good evening, eh? The countdowns have begun. I will be in Maine in 8 days!!!! Seeing one of my favorite people in the world. In just 15 days, I will get to go back to the South and see many of those that I love. *sigh of comfort* How long it feels that it has been. It will be a very good fall break. It's funny. Last year fall break, I came up here, this year, I'm going back down.
One thought on undergrad vs. grad. mentality. At USC I was very actively and vocally involved in class, now I'm very happy to sit quietly, still think about things, but know the answer in my head, ask questions of myself to look up later, rather than talking to the prof about things. There's a certain relaxation that occurs when in grad school and pretty assured of my spot. No longer having to fight for my place. It's nice. I didn't realize I was fighting at all, it was just the way that I learned. But now, I'm quite content not to be at the forefront, but definitely silently assure the prof. I know what I'm doing.
So, just a few thoughts on this lovely fall day. It will be a fabulous weekend.

Sometimes

"Sometimes the wind in my eyes
Takes me past all my little white lies
And the sweet sound of the voice of the truth
Speaks in bitter words of decisions of youth

Shower me with love
Don't let me forget what I came here for
Let the sun shine from above
Don't let me lose my way
No more

Starlight
The hands of the sky
Lift me over my miniature life

Shower me with love
Don't let me forget what I came here for
Let the sun shine from above
Don't let me lose my way
No more

Wash me
In the waves of Your ocean of mercy
And when my eyes open, enfold me
In the light of faith dawning and hold me

Shower me with love
Don't let me forget what I came here for
Let the sun shine from above
Don't let me lose my way
No more"


So this is an old favorite recorded again on David Hunt's new Live at Erica's CD. I like this song. Especially last night and tonight. There's something that's especially moving about live music when there is a small audience... it's like the music is there just for you... why do we make ourselves listen to music that makes us sad, but it's addicting. We want to feel that sadness to still have a connection to that memory. To make sure it's still there, that it's not going even though the time is farther and farther away ("Service" does it... every time).
I need to remember what I came here for, I still don't think I've figured it out. But last night was definitely confirmation. I need to go to sleep, but the middle of the night is so peaceful. I don't feel guilty for not doing work. I can think, I can listen to music and be comforted by things and be hopeful about things and there just seem to be so many more possibilities at night. That seems backwards, but that's what I think.
So, basically I love the new David Hunt CD, so if you want it, let me know. It has Sharpie art and fun tracks and even a secret track, hee hee :). And amazing guitar playing.
And the Farmer's Market today was lovely. It was fun to be able to show them around my town, now that is my town. My first house guest, my first tour guide opportunity, and devotions again tomorrow morning at my house. I love weekly devotions. Okay, I must sleep so I can wake up to do laundry and homework before prayers that precede more homework.

The week's end

The end of the week went surprisingly well, given the circumstances. Despite getting the cold that's going around the graduate students, I was able to teach on Thursday, being able to answer questions in a helpful way without giving the answers. Either that, or my students were just amused by me and smiling because they thought I was silly instead of actually understanding. We'll see. I got to take the night off after that since no analysis homework had been posted, but lo and behold it was posted Friday morning. And good news! Clock tower pumpkin ice cream is offically in rotation at the Dairy Bar, which means I will just have to go frequently for my $2 of lots of delicious ice cream, so that I make sure to get some pumpkin as soon as I can. After most of the day without much of a voice, the evening ended with a delicious potluck dinner and a fabulous concert by David Hunt. My IKEA wok was the savoir of my stir fry, which I had attempted to make before for more than two people. But now, I can cook for 6-8 with no problem at all. I think my new favorite dish to cook is lemon dill chicken veggie stir fry. Zucchini, 3 colors of bell peppers, carrots, chicken, and dill, fresh lemon and lime. Delicious.
The concert was very nice, I laughed, I cried, I jumped, and thoroughly enjoyed the music. I'm now the proud owner of his newest CD, Live at Erica's, which I'm very excited about listening to. It can be my first CD of fall. Today's going to be warm again, all the way up to 76 degrees, which means the Farmer's Market for fresh apple cider, walking in the gorge, and then some homework doing. I decided this morning during prayers that I am going to be joyfully challenged by homework, instead of desperate and helpless in the face of the challenge. It's going to make all the difference, for after all, "Joy gives us wings! In times of joy our strength is more vital, our intellect keener, and our understanding less clouded. We seem better able to cope with the world, and to find our sphere of usefulness." Thus is my goal for next week. And next week has an exciting day for myself and another lovely lady, for it is my 2 year gluten free anniversary (woo hoo!) and her 22nd birthday :). So, this weekend shall be preparation for such events, I'm quite excited!